Dear Mariann,
There seems to be a theme to the dilemmas that you – or rather those who write to you – concern. Mostly these are affairs of the heart, or just affairs. Which brings me onto my own problem/s, of a sought, IF you’ve been sleeping with man for several months who previously wouldn’t see you outside of the bedroom, but now makes the invitation for dinner and a movie, does this mean that he is getting tired of you or should you impose some kind of new status update on Facebook in lieu of his wife/children?
From Julia via a poke and prod on Facebook
He already sounds quite annoying. You do not see him outside of the bedroom at all? How dreadfully dull. Some of my best work/s is outside of the this veritable vestibule of my own personal space. Have your friends taken the opportunity to spell out to you how utterly worthless this particular Lothario is in terms of sparkling conversation, wit and keeping his clothes on? This man is being a rogue, and not a very good one at that. You are either all pants and no trousers, or you’re ‘in a relationship’ and thus subject to the certain demands of ‘dinner and a movie’.
This man is flying the gambit and not particularly well. Tell him to keep his pants down and stay in the bedroom, or should he want to move things along into a ‘proper’ relationship then he might do well to inform his wife first, children next and proceed for some kind of formal courtship from there. Why you would be interested (unless he is that ‘fit’) is another (potentially) mute point.
On a recent return flight, I was sat opposed to a (famous *cough*) ‘media-luvee’ who was in mid conversation with his PA/mistress. The conversation went something like;
Him: ‘I’m leaving them and telling them as soon as we land.’
Her: ‘But you must keep in touch, I don’t want to come between you all.’
Him: ‘The children can see me on Facebook, as for their mother we’re not even friends on there.’
Her: ‘Maybe it’s better if we don’t communicate on Facebook anymore.’
Him: ‘I never use it anyway. You know my password I don’t. I’m relying on you to keep me up to date.’
Her: ‘I’ll take down your relationship status.’
Him: ‘You already have.’
So it’s not about the getting away with it any more. One has to assume that everyone is going IT, just not with who they are supposed to, or rather with who they are supposed to and, err, everyone else. It was all very rabbit caught in the headlights dialogue. neither looked happy. The rest of the four hour flight was in silence. They only shared the chips.
What Master Zuckerberg had in mind when he added the relationship status to Profile’s I’m not entirely sure. Covering oneself in self-congratulatory relationship glory is one message; although this has always (to me) given off the faint whiff of glutinous fatted contentment – if only because of the associations with mock display and voyeurism. Then there’s the dicey part when couples split. There’s no pleasure to be taken in its reverie.
No wonder there are some (older) generations who think Facebook to be a source for the immorally displaced. In the ‘old days’ you were ‘married and that was it’. Then again with regards to the likes of your previously only in the bedroom, soon to be out for dinner man, there is no stopping them. The big lummoxes need only get their Dolce&Gabbana underpants in the twist before then come back. There’s not enough competition. It’ll be long moonlight walks next and then you’ll be the ‘old maid’ wondering who he is poking on Facebook.
What you do now is entirely down to your (good(?)) judgment and directly linked to how much you value yours and other dignity. Add to this how bearable he is outside of the bedroom with his pants on. He sounds not like the man of your dreams. A bit of a can’t-bothered-sought, who is keeping his options open for a quick bunk up (or rather down) and bit of emotional banter/baggage.
Should you ‘fancy a bit’ I’m sure he’ll only be too ready to oblige. I suspect it would be more of a faff to update your relationship status, not to mention this – in all likelihood – would last longer too.
