#281 Running with the ex
Monday 13th August, 2007
Recently I split with my Facebook and real-life boyf. Now we remain as ‘friends’ on Facebook, but I find myself ‘just checking’ what he is up to. Should I ‘de-friend’ him? And what are the rules of etiquette and to preserve my sanity here?
Where once you were one, now you are two and for all the world to see too, well in so far as all the world are connected to your Facebook profile. No matter how wonderful a relationship and ‘mature’ and amicable the subsequent split, very naturally there will still be lurking in the back of your mind a desire (need) to find out what they are up to. On Facebook you get this in glorious digital vision – streamed directly to your own newsfeed – how convenient, and yet how unsettling if you are trying to manage your new single life and disassociate yourself from that particular relationship status.
Single and free, does not do neurotic and desperate. There is a fine line.
Recently a friend of mine who split from their beloved felt saddened and marred by the ‘400 friends’ that their ex were connected to. Hard not to feel so competitive where affairs of the heart are concerned. But lets not turn this forum into a MySpace ‘they’ve got more friends than me, friend-farm war’. Keep in mind that status is not how many friends have they got, but recognition that they do not really have time for all ‘those’ ‘friends’ AND your too busy with your life to care anyway (well that’s the approach to adopt). As for whether you should remain ‘befriended’ on Facebook does rather depend on the split itself. A case of uncovering less than salacious details of their personal life and wanting to burn all their processions, probably time to cut them off. A ‘this isn’t working’ situation – well you’ll probably want to stay ‘in touch’ just to see what does work for them after all. Oh and make sure they know what’s ‘working’ for you too.
Unlike ‘real’, offline life on Facebook you do not have to worry about accidently running (physically) into your ex. You can handle your encounters in a very caustic style that keeps the whisperings, worrying and crying to a minimum. Suddenly you’re the expert of when they are online, what they are doing etc. Before this becomes obsessive maybe best to place their link to you onto the limited newsfeed setting and limited profile setting. That way you can stay ‘informed’ but not indecently fixated on another’s life.
During any moments of self-doubt, weakness and glass of wine combined with laptop fuelled moment to ‘just’ poke, wall post, message an ex, perhaps best save such actions for the daylight ‘non-desperate’ hours. Its perfectly natural to want to know what is going on in their life, but you are in danger of` extending an unnecessary ‘courtesy’ by constantly surveilling them and ‘offering’ the news of the latest events of your life. Think carefully about what your actions may reveal, graciousness and a certain amount of propriety will give you the upper hand – and keep your sanity!
Not to mention that showing how ‘fine’ you are that you are no longer involved with one another will beat their ‘400 friends’ rank every time and may make them question their sanity instead!Tweet