#710 Betrayed on Facebook
Tuesday 13th January, 2009
One of my closest friends is having an affair. I’m also friends with his wife. In the past when he’s strayed he dropped the other woman as soon as I found out. This time he’s sticking with both because he claims he’s in love with both. For a long time I’ve had feelings for his wife – as more than a friend. I’m shocked by his behaviour, especially as he is very blatant about his affair on his Facebook feeds, including picture uploads and posts about both his wife and the other woman. The situation is coming to a head, what should I do?
Betrayal. Not a nice word or situation to be in. I’m wondering if you friend knows how ‘open’ he is being with his picture loads and posts regarding his affair actions. One misnomer – particularly one the popular press would have us believe – is that Facebook makes it ‘easier’ to stray from partners and actively encourages such actions. Sadly such betrayal would be possible with or without social networks and SNSs. Facebook is not the determining factor here. What could be an influence is, as statistics show, that couples are more likely to stray with a friend or someone they know. This may seem like stating the obvious, but the main take away message is that such actions are less likely to happen between strangers. So the people that you spend time with and already know are more likely to be attractive and attracted to you. This could account for your friends actions, as well as your own attraction to his wife. The best advice and etiquette to follow in this instance is DO NOT EVEN GO THERE! Throw together some emotional uproar and a little confusion and you have yourself a recipe for the heartache of more than one person.
In short be very, very, very careful as to you own actions as well as the judgement of your friend. It is easy to be on the outside and observe who is the villain in the piece, but there may be other issues at work here. Such issues are unlikely to be resolved if you take seriously on board your ‘feelings’ for your friends wife. Where relationships are meant to be based on trust, respect and loyalty sometimes these elements do not endure. The hardest task here will be to not let this damage your relationship with your friend, or your confidence and assurance in a healthy romantic relationship of your own.
You could mention to your friend how blatant their activity is on Facebook and how disrespectful this is to both their wife and mistress. I suspect that if they are intent on having their cake and eating it this will not weigh on their conscience the same way it is on yours. It is harder to advise on the situation with the wife, as I am unsure whether you are ‘friends’ or even Facebook friends. When relationships are at their rockiest it is best to keep an appropriate distance. You may be loyal and respectful of both parties, but until they are to each other it is you who will be caught in the crossfire. A situation that will be heightened through network feeds, but is not the fault of Facebook.Tweet