Proper Facebook Etiquette

#715 The strategy for a Facebook snoop

Tuesday 3rd February, 2009

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The appropriate etiquette for a Facebook snooper is something that has been overlooked. As a snooper it is likely that in this information age of ‘kick back, be slack, relax and feel free to peruse as you are’ extended coffee breaks are time for more concerted efforts of ‘just seeing what my friends are up to’. But how should one safeguard snooping activities?…

The tips here are intended as a guide to the appropriate, nay proper, manners that should serve you well to give confidence in what you do, write, poke, and how to use everything properly during a little Facebook snooping.

So, read on, brush up on your social accordance and attend to your desire to cruise around friends Facebook Profiles (or anyone else’s) with confidence!

What to do when that Facebook snoop moment takes over:

If you have not already, take note of the time. Time may on your side in terms of the context of your social snooping, but will swiftly run away from you if you do not keep one eye on the clock. A brief read of a posted update, trip down memory lane via posted photo streams or acknowledgement of ‘that ‘friend’’ from school soon leads to coffee-break-over-o’clock and precious minutes when you could have been doing something useful like reading your own Wall Posts.

It is a good idea to leave all prejudices at the Profile Page door. Yes their page might look a ‘mess’ all MySpacey and ‘fake’, but isn’t that the reason you’re snooping in the first instance. In all likelihood your own page is by contrast ‘clean and neat’, another appraisal being ‘bare and boring’.

Keep that lipstick off your collar! By which I mean any transgressions that you may come across e.g. a Status Update ‘too blue’, ‘evidence’ of an indiscretion etc. can be pursued and read for one’s own entertainment, but careful! Judge ye not, or ye shall be judged!

When you first sit down, place a napkin into your lap – this will catch all crumbs and spillages from too closely scrutinised Facebook viewing.

Await for a hostess or servers to serve to you tea and coffee. Then remember that it is likely you’re sat (in public) in a coffee-house-chain with a ‘serve yourself’, consumer optimisation routine.
Should hostesses begin passing trays and other dishes you’ve struck snoopers gold! Wifi AND attended sustenance! Stay for the duration, work can wait.

If you are caught snooping e.g. found to be commenting on too many photo’s, Status Updates etc. wait for everyone else to ‘help themselves’ to your Profile. Remember, snooping is expected to be a mutual affair ~ taken not only by you, but each and every one of your friends too. By no means should you comment and tag everything that you can. This is not only crass, but reeks of ‘desperation’ and boredom.

Don’t wish to snoop? It’s not obligatory, so don’t feel bad about passing only a general eye across NewsFeeds and Requests. It is likely that you will receive only a cold shoulder to seek amusement from.

After you receive a new Friend Request feel free to help yourself to everything on their Profile.

Back on your Profile, make sure to set your Profile Picture and information before someone can make a negative judgement on you. Only pull your social network out far enough so you don’t bump into and receive a Friend Request from that ‘Billy/Lucy-no-mates’ from school.

Seconds ~ If it is after afternoon tea or low tea, it is acceptable to snoop for a passing few minutes if something ‘new’ has occured.

If ‘un-friended’, never ask for a second Request.

One Response to “#715 The strategy for a Facebook snoop”

  1. DOH:) says:

    Have you seen the I Hate My Ex-Husband and I Hate My Ex-Wife groups on Facebook – bitter or what :)

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