Proper Facebook Etiquette

#737 Being all clingy and naïve. And romantic?…

Friday 26th June, 2009

HELP! I’m in over my head. I’ve meet a ‘really cool’ guy and really want to develop things with him. BUT then again, I really do not want to feel that i’m too taken up with him. In truth I’m all clingy and naïve. And romantic?…

So what to do? Should I give up now and terminate my feelings forever? Can I develop a more mature emotional response to him that doesn’t involve checking his Facebook Profile more than my Facebook Profile. And how did I get so attached anyway?

There’s a heady mix of (nice) emotions here, not helped by the openness of ‘really cool guy’ (RCG) on Facebook. One step is to back away, you’ve already identified that you ‘clingy’, so rather than handing over all control to RCG take some time to Facebook check some other friends, perhaps push RCG further down your newsfeed list so you’re not constantly bombarded by what he is doing – You can do this via the Settings and ‘Account Settings’ tab. If you’re in Settings, you may also want to double check and coordinate how your Profile looks to RCG – you can do this through the Privacy page – All knowledge is here!

An important point is that you can’t, and should not seek to, change the other person. Yes, you may be able to work on yourself – but if you’re looking to change RCG into the perfect partner who desires you as much as you desire them then I feel you are in for a disappointment. A more sensible approach is to adopt a little frivolous flirting. Who doesn’t like the compliment of intrigue, mysetery and a little attention from another. Away from Facebook, when it comes to romance and action its all about body language. A little show of clevage, leaning in, maintained eye contact all lead to a heady mix of connection, intensity and a building of a magnitude of energy between the two of you. There are times when these actions do go awry, such as my less than subtle lingering stare at the barista in my local Starbucks. Beautiful man. Totally gay. But he was nice enough to say he appreciated the gesture, and then complimented my shoes. Like I said, totally gay.

So to flirting on Facebook. The Poke. Obvious. A cheeky Wall message (remember that all his friends (and possibly yours) can read these! And never type when under the influence. A good approach is to add a little sophistication and detail to your intentions, for example a shared post says a little about what you’re about, and gives him something to link to and potentially comment on.

It does not go without saying that some of these tactics can produce some more unintended consequences. DANGER, DANGER! Do not harass RCG to the point of ‘sexual harassment’, you may also want to limit yourself against the possibility of a public rejection. For example in response to your Wall post, a reply posted on your Wall declining your offer(s)…

Chances are if you implement any of the above you will continue to be constantly scanning Facebook. And this may all sounds a little combative, subterfuge and artifice which can be off-putting. Still, there are actions that will brighten one’s day — and I would encourage that you do not limit yourself to RCG, but find time to breeze through your day being charming and flirtatious: smiling and making eyes at everyone, from that barista, to the barman who prepares your mojitos, to the man from work.

The last time I pulled off a successful Facebook flirt, he mirrored my movements, and we had a splendid time giving each other a positive lift from reciprocated messages etc. All at an ‘end’ when my particular journey came to an end and moved to the other side of the world. A grand few months though, and we’re still Facebook (flirting) friends. Aside from the positive lift, which your friends can also enjoy via some public postings, flirting is infection as it is entertaining and pleasurable. You can feel great, they too can find equal enjoyment. But mind where you place that romantic faith and which direction you flutter those eyelashes– lest you miss that flirting opportunity from the TCG (truly cool guy).

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