Proper Facebook Etiquette

#739 It started with candle light and now it might be over

Sunday 12th July, 2009

As luck would have it, I met my boyfriend on Facebook – he is a friend of a friend, of a friend… Our first ‘date’ was via Facebook chat with candle light. So followed a close (and much scrutnised) intensity, where I mean that I am always aware of his needs, but feel that I (in return) matter little to him. Following our first Facebook date, the total sum of our going together and doing the ‘dating scene’ was a one hour meal at his local. I feel as though I am being take for granted. How do I Poke him into action? Or should I just dump him already?

Gosh this doesn’t sound like a happy, let alone healthy ‘relationship’. Is this a relationship?!… You shared a Facebook chat and then you were of a girlfriend and boyfriend togetherness. FAST<>

I do sympathise. You’ve got yourself in a place that does not allow for any fun or space to enjoy each others company. Or even appears to be a relationship. I appreciate that love is best learnt the hard way, but there are incidental and lovely off-roads to get lost and journey together. The operative word here being ‘together‘.

So far from your dilemma I get the impression that there’s you in this relationship and he is just tagging along for the sake of it. That is not a relationship. Let me make some assumptions; you initiated contact with him. You pursued his Profile on Facebook. You suggested meeting up – did you use the word ‘date’? Hmmm it sounds as if you are making huge considerations/assumptions for him, whilst he enjoys the ease with which he can get hold of and now has you.

Have you considered the possibility that neither of you really want to 1. be in a relationship and/or 2. want to share this level of intensity with each other.

In short things just got stale. Or they never got past the baking stage.

The main issue is that you (and more than likely him) are disatisfied. It is likely that (as you hint) you both know that the ‘relationship’ is failing. And those formed under ‘intense circumstances’ tend to be full of lust, rather than love. Nothing wrong with lust. But there are issues when the relationship matures and, one over the other, finds themself responsible for the love, support and emotional wellbeing of your connection.

In short this guy is already out of the zone (was he ever in the zone?) His departure was probably before you entered his local. This sounds harsh but, if you’ve noticed his lack of effort and lack of thrills, it is already OVER.

I admit there is no perfect partnership. But you have every right to want to feel love, needed and first and foremost, PASSION. There are some many combinations one can adopt to find someone and make a connection. Facebook is a possibility – especially where friends of friends can help narrow the criteria and point you in the right direction. This time around they have got things wrong. Love is best experienced as a heady – all occupying – emotional impulse. I am not saying that everything has to be fireworks, although that would make the weekly trip to Tesco more exciting, but respect and mutual attraction can be applied in some pretty exciting ways – Tesco or no Tesco… (for this portion I leave the rest to your imagination).

So lament not the end of a (potential) love affair, but celebrate the connection that you shared with someone, and let that direct you into the arms of someone you can share a real relationship with.

And no, it does not matter if they are on Facebook or not. In fact, it may help you if they are without a Facebook connection.

9 Responses to “#739 It started with candle light and now it might be over”

  1. Dr Mariann Hardey says:

    @ Diana, answering this in the main blog…

  2. Jeff says:

    Met this hot woman on facebook, Went out a few times and fell right in love. My mates recon shes fit – bit fat but big tits and is up for it. We get blatter – no problem and she is a a right laugh. Asked her to shack up and we planned to do this in a few weeks. But she told me by e-mail that "we have serious problems" and asked me to give her some space to think about our relationship. As far as I could tell, we had no problems whatsoever A few days later, she change her status to "single" without consulting me first. Her explanations ranged from "you have changed" to "it's not you, it's me." She insists that I give her space and leave her alone. Don't want my mates to think I've lost out and they have been checking my updates. Been putting on some stuff about how hot she is. Going to take her to yates Saturday and get her some proper classy stuff what women like. Hope she will let me take some photos (tits out for the boys) so i can put them on facebook for the boys. How can I make sure she doesn't break up with me?

  3. Anonymous says:

    When I join a group the details of the group are announced to all my friends. This has upset some as I joined a group that some think of as anti-Israel. Now I get lots of bad comments. I tell you all to be careful before you join groups because some are not for fun and are very political. You can upset your friends too easily

  4. Diana says:

    I want to clear out my friends page and get rid of those I feel no longer should know my information or goings on. I am worried that they will get a message saying I have removed you. I don't want to piss people off but just feel some do not deserve to know such details about me.

  5. Dr Mariann Hardey says:

    @ anon,

    a good rule. Inappropriate Poking only leads to tears before bedtime.

    @ Penny, Yes. :-)

    @ AnonII. I'll get back to you on this one ! For now keep your parents off your Friend Feed.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Might blank facebook in the Vac as I don't want parents, boy friend and the rest to catch onto what I'm doing – escape. Trouble is can't think of an excuse as they know I can update etc from the iphone and have already pointed out how nice that will be :( NOT

  7. Penny says:

    he is just not into her

  8. Penny says:

    he is just not into her

  9. Anonymous says:

    Rule should be never poke such a fool

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