Proper Facebook Etiquette

#750 Met someone HOT on facebook … who is up for it

Friday 17th July, 2009

Met this hot woman on facebook, we went ent out a few times and I fell right in love. My mates recon shes not fit – bit fat but big tits and is up for it – no problem as she is a a right laugh.

I asked her to shack up and we planned to do this in a few weeks. But she told me by e-mail that “we have serious problems” and asked me to give her some space to think about our relationship. As far as I could tell, we had no problems whatsoever A few days later, she change her status to “single” without consulting me first. Her explanations ranged from “you have changed” to “it’s not you, it’s me.” She insists that I give her space and leave her alone. I don’t want my mates to think I’ve lost out and they have been checking my updates and been putting on some stuff about how ‘hot’ she is. I’m planning to take her to Yates Saturday and get her some proper classy stuff – like that what women like. I hope she will let me take some photos (tits out) so i can put them on facebook for the boys. How can I make sure she doesn’t break up with me?

(this dilemma was originally posted by ‘Jeff’ in a reply to a previous post)

Dah-ling I am afraid that you have been hood-winked. It IS You and, most certainly not Her. Although I can’t imagine why on earth She is being so coy about it. If I were lodged in a relationship with you, there would be no beating around the bush (yes I imagine you find that particular venus-related reference amusing too).

‘Tits out for the boys’. Good god what is this – are we stuck in the dark recesses of male relationship imagination? Clearly grunts and gasps are to stand in place of passion and genuiene connection which then count as ‘she’s my girlfriend material’. Lucky her.

If, as you state, she’s ‘not much of a looker’ anyway, what precisely is your issue? That you won’t get to see ‘more tits’. Well, take a look in the mirror and all shall be revealed staring back at you. So tit face, this means that there’s no need to leave the house on Saturday to go to Yates and you can save £’s by googling ‘tit’s’ over your (I hope) ‘wipe clean’ surfaces only.

In terms of your mates – egging you on – do they have girlfriends of similar pigface status. I suggest to you that your male (over)exposure has become a principal form of sexual/ist distinction for you to claim male authority and manhood status. I’d go on further to use the word patriarchy, but suspect that anything over two syllables and not involving some form of sexual/ist phraseology may have you flummaxed. You may benefit from a reading of Men from Mars, Women from Venus. I assume that you have developed the skill base to Google more than ‘tit’s’.

So take heed. Yes, you have been dumped. Yes, your mates will ‘rip you’ for this. Are your days from seeing ‘real tits’ numbered? No, not at all. Invite the boys over, and you can enjoy a whole group of tits, without the expectation to accrue anything more than some mutual male grunting, and possibly a can of lager.


4 Responses to “#750 Met someone HOT on facebook … who is up for it”

  1. Dr Mariann Hardey says:

    @ Anon, your comment is worthy of extensive analysis. Read my next post…

  2. Anonymous says:

    I used my husbands password to see what he was doing on Facebook and found he was chatting to a girl aged 18 (he is 35) and another one of 19. There are lots of dirty messages and one has sent topless photos to him. I'm so mad. What is he doing? Seriously think of dumping the cheating b***

  3. Dr Mariann Hardey says:

    @ Anon – (why am i not surprised) – yes i would keep these pics anon if i were you; 1. for public decency reasons, 2. what would your parents/family say, 3. 'tits'? what happened to the rest of the beautiful form of womanhood – is this all we have to offer now? 4. 'for the lads' – which will be an interesting explanation come job interviews. Finally, 5. your grandchildren will be 'so proud'.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Nothing wrong with hot tits U should be able to put them on show for the lads on Facebook. Off to Magalluf where my tits will be out and proud.

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