#752 Is this the thing to do on Facebook?…
Thursday 23rd July, 2009
So I have a new guy, so new that we are only just Facebook friends. Is it OK to check the new guy out through his links and networks? So far Kin can be great – and in the past I’ve avoided a more than one guy from what his relatives have said simply by digging into his past.
(this dilemma was originally posted by ‘Anon’ in a reply to a previous post: Feeling used, husbands a cheat on Facebook)
Online communication for the purpose of ‘finding out’ about someone constitutes one way to gain the measure of someone. BUT, should you not already have a good judge of their character and perception of them if they are your ‘new guy’?
The kin and friend network on Facebook can reveal a LOT. Such digging can also be symptomatic of other issues. Have you asked yourself where perhaps your cautiousness – which at best describes such action – or , at worst, your paranoier stem from. What I am suggesting is that your very action(s) to ‘stalk’/dig information in this way may be the consequence of a b/latent distrust or signifier that you are ‘just not that into him’.
Part of the getting to know process should be filled with mystery, little snippets of information that arise in bite-sized portions and allow you to digest and gain a taste for each other. Food metaphors aside, recent dating attitudes a faster model of perceived success(es) in the dating games. Here one is encouraged to always gain the upper hand and your security is assured through the actions that you have pursued by checking out his kin.
I do admire your astusteness, some may say ruthlessness, and your actions have obviously proved successful in the past by ‘avoiding’ potential undesirables through the interpretation of another feeds, friends and flirtatious frivalries.
A few words of caution. First that if you are checking him in this way, it is all too likely that he is checking out you. What do your feeds reveal about your tendencies?… Is it time for an unsuitable friend cull?
At the heart of your dilemma I do believe are quite worthy relationship goals. An insurance policy if you will against potential b*st*rds. Remember though that you are receiving only part of the story. The motives for that tagged picture may be suggestive of something else and your assessment can only ever be basaed on the relatively limited nonverbal and nonphysical cues that you accumulate. Hardly an equal case. And your evidence would never stand up before a QC.
Anticipation and daliance for dating is a wonderful thing. If you’ve already become Facebook friends, trust your judgement, go with the attraction – the important decisions and discussions should be made face-to-face. In-turn your self-disclosure provides a key component of relatinoship development as your foster closeness. Then you have true intimacy, rather than sneaking around poking his next of kin. Unless they’re fit of course!Tweet