Proper Facebook Etiquette

#1031 I am gorgeous

Tuesday 4th August, 2009

Dear Mariann

I am about to start my second year of university next term and want to update my status. In my first year I was unpopular. Mostly because I dated someone who was also unpopular and so everyone else avoided us. I’ve just dumped him and want to start all over again. I am gorgeous. All my family say so. So how can I make everyone else notice my hotness and hang out with me. I don’t know what to do.

la la la la la – go Grease Lightning!

Sorry, for a second there I had flashbacks to the best of the highschool musicals – minus Zac Elf-face. Wow, so you’re all grown up and ‘gorgeous’ and going to uni. Are you sure you haven’t time shifted reality and ended up in a bad version of Mean Girls, complete with hair flicks across the cafeteria and ‘he’s mine, not yours’ claims on menfolk?…

This is university right, not Beverly Hills, The Hills or Gossip Girl?… Maybe such cultural iconography appeals to you. I would advise you to leave the ‘hotness’ rating well alone. You may be in for a short sharp shock. Unless your family really are objectively astute, with – perhaps – a higher moral intelligence that you seem to possess.

You want to put yourself as the Star of the show? Has it occured to you that this place is 1. occupied and 2. out of bounds? Perhaps your recently dumped ‘unpopular’ boyf has something to say on this monitoring of the social hierarchy in this way.

Can I tentatively sugggest that by university all such ‘leagues’ have been shaken up and knocked out of play. What were once the popular crowd at secondary school are not necessarily in place by the time you reach higher education and if they continue to be a part of your social script then it is likely that they too are tyring to find their own social footing. So my advice is two-fold. First, the suggestion that such rating and slating is crass and stupid. Second, this causes issues for your scale of ‘hotness’. You could offer yourself up to your Facebook network for a hotness rating. There is, I do believe, an application where you can rate friends and friends can rate you. Think how gorgeous you’ll be then! *gasp*

Can I be your friend too?!

One word to sum up: Precocious. Why don’t you concentrate on the positives; create a lovely, cheerful and appealing persona. Then you shall be ‘popular’ and, perhaps, even well liked. You’re playing with fire by courting a popularity contest. Leaving yourself wide open for criticism and too many changes of hair colour. Trust me, I’ve been there.

21 Responses to “#1031 I am gorgeous”

  1. Jane says:

    How about focusing on work and a good degree?
    Let the guys follow!

  2. kennz says:

    You ARE gorgeous. Can you do an interview for NY vxnews?…

  3. Anonymous says:

    Hate the way everyone is in your face on Facebook. I want to escape but odd thing is a mate makes half of it up as he is not nearly so exciting as his changes might show!

  4. Kathleen says:

    A strange thing happened to me recently. I saw a man at a work do and he smiled at me spontaneously. His face looked very familier. I asked him "have we met before?" He looked puzzled. And then we exchanged names of the places we we had worked in and university. Nothing was in common. When on to Facebook, I saw his face on the right-hand side of my home page, under the "People You May Know" section. We had a few friends in common.

  5. G2FU says:

    Bit of info I have found – Google Images crawls virtually every page on the internet and indexes every image. If you have a photo someplace, Google will find it sooner or later. But you can stop it by sorting out your privacy setting.

  6. Carol says:

    In the past few weeks former high school classmates have started friending me. I dug out my old yearbook thinking maybe if I look at people’s old pictures I’ll remember them as some of my new Facebook friends/old high school classmates aren’t people I remember. It’s possible that I never had one conversation with them in high school, didn’t exchange one hello. Odd that they suddenly want to friend me now!

  7. Hannah says:

    My parents are on Facebook. To me, this kind of marks a tipping point in our family dynamic. It is becoming hard to separate areas with Facebook. At least in the business world there is LinkedIn. Does anyone else have an relative on Facebook? Has it changed your relationship with them?

  8. Chloe says:

    I do all the pictures and updates for on my boyfriends Facebook space. It is about trust and the women on his network are not only his friends, but mine too. So I'm involved in all aspects of a his life and it makes for a secure relationship. We belong to the same church and were re-born together. I recommend everyone shares and makes sure their boyfriend is always kept close.

  9. Aggie says:

    As a older user I must say it is always interesting to know what the kids are doing. Not that I think they remember that they have given us access to the networks. I'm glad this was not possible when I was 20 – my parents would have been outraged!

  10. Jeff the says:

    Girls – stop worrying – Guys use Facebook to check you out and get some status by being seen to be link to hot women. Can be tricky as sometimes I've been pressured to change may status. Don't like that as it feels like the women is getting on my turf. Bloody Hell I I saying I'd have to been in love cue music lights action? Help confessing to a blog.

  11. Cliff says:

    Mate of mine came out on facbook. Amazing thing to do as he is from Newcastle which is not that gay frien . dly. So Facebook can be a place to announce changes and thought you and your readers would be interested.

  12. Utz2.0 says:

    you are Danah Boyd right?

  13. Gibbs says:

    is Facebook a source for self-disclosure? what i mean is how we can communicate with one another compared with other personal relations. There's all this stuff in the news today about sexting in the States, is there an equivalent on Facebook? Does this mean that we are more open, less open than before?

  14. Anonymous says:

    We are all gorgeous on Facebook :)

    Harder work in reality thou :(

  15. 2nd Lifer says:

    Not sure how real facebook is now. friends of mine have photoshopped pictures on there and have more fun sounding social life than it is in RL. Is it now acceptable or expected to have a more entertaining and better self on SNSs than in RL. If so are we making a sort of second life thing out of SNS?

  16. Pamie says:

    Love the post – hate summer – working in a factory should I make up a more exciting summer to keep up?

  17. Anonymous says:

    what do I do if my boyfriend is hotter than me on Facebook?…

  18. Samanthas says:

    Lohan would be on MySpace.

  19. Janie says:

    Been there me too – love the post

  20. Boy says:

    I think she should go on MySpace. Mariann, could you advise what to do with your too brother posting his texts on Facebook . This is bad right?…

  21. Trish.2 says:

    Thats why I try and keep away from FB

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