Proper Facebook Etiquette

#1032 She’s just jealous!

Friday 7th August, 2009

Dear Mariann,

I’m planning a party for my birthday and to celebrate my anniversary with my boyfriend. BUT I’ve just found out that my supposed BBF has organised a get together on the same night. How do I get people to come to my do rather than hers? Mine will be soooo much better and she’s just jealous. Oh, my boyfriend is her ex.

‘Oh, my boyfriend is her ex?’ Oh ,well that’s not significant at all. At first when I read your dilemma I thought, how odd, which was closely followed by that can’t be right. I mean what kind of a BBF (that’s Best Best Friend for you abbreviation novices) would fail to tend to their BBF on the night of a double celebration?! And then I got to the ‘ex’ bit…

Take on board this, maybe you WERE BBF’s, but chances are if the (cunning) plan is for a celebration on the same evening as yours this reads volumes. 1. you’re not BBF’s (sorry to break it to, but I’ve taken extensive research on this and via a cocktail-in-the-hand poll, taken on my last night out, the consensus is that there’s ‘issues‘ here) 2. the other part of the polling revealed that your ex-BBF has every right to feel dislike toward you. The phrase ‘don’t even go there’ was repeated several times during the course of one evening regarding exes and ‘friends’ (see how scientific this is!)

I simply cannot rely on your judgment of each other, or things are rapidly going to deteriorate into a tit for tat CBBC’s special. The BBF relationship can be a tricky one to negotiate – particularly between women. Thinking back to those angst school-yard days, you could be BBF’s in the morning, then by lunch break you’re not talking because she’s got the same pencil-case as you, or sat next to the cute boy with the sandy coloured hair that you wanted to work out your timetables with.

Such BBF relations tend to be moronic at the best of times. One of my own BBF’s is now around the other side of the world and models for Dolce & Gabbana. In my younger days he was my biggest CRUSH, until at sixteen we both fell for the same boy. A falling out insued and we parted many a cross word as mascara wands clashed at dawn. This was a complex relationship, with unrequited love, jealousy and teenage angst all thrown in together. But, I’ve digressed. What I was trying to allude to was how there are two sides to every situation, relationship and inevitable fall-out. It is how we respond and treat others that truly accounts for the whom we are. Whether the pathway to follow is as a grown-up and mature adult, or as a immature b*tch.

There is some hope from your dilemma. For one you still refer to your friend as your BBF. Whether this is from habit, or a real sense of connection and wanting to make things right, is muddied by your determination to throw a party that will be ‘so much better than her’s’. I infer from this that since the boyfriend sharing (or whatever) that you hardly speak. Less fulfill your regular BBF duties – silly calls, cocktails, hanging out in pyjamas and allowing your relationship to blossom. And so I infer that currently she is not the woman you shall be inviting to your wedding, much less your party. She is, however, the woman with whom you still feel ultra-competitive with and visa versa. Hell you’re dating her ex, there’s going to be some kind of grudge etc. to negotiate around – which clearly you both are avoiding.

My BBF (that D&G model) sends regular postcards from his trips and implores me ‘not to go out with that guy’ as I exchange dating advice with him – obviously via Facebook. Our lowest point was when he threw a party the same weekend as I had planned to celebrate my exams. We had not invited each other. We both ended up miserable so intent was our ‘having a good time’ attempts. Thaknfully we made up. But this only happened after a good heart to heart and far too much plonk. No stone was left unturned.

So if you really want to call your BBF’s bluff. Invite her to your do. BUT not in a rubbing salt in the wounds way. In a genuiene, face-to-face, I want you there, and it wouldn’t be the same without you way. Who knows you could even combine said parties. Or you could continue to act as though you’re both five years young and miss out on each other lives forever more.

And trust me, its wonderful having a true BBF in your life. Especially if he has a cute bottom.

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