Proper Facebook Etiquette

#1035 NOT! if you’re ugly on Facebook!

Sunday 9th August, 2009

I have been on Facebook for several months now, and it’s fine, except my friends are so boring (and ugly). It’s as if everyone I know has chosen to settle down and live a boring life. I don’t mind that my friends are so family orientated and responsible, but I prefer things more fast-paced with beautiful people. So as someone who is not too rough around the edges, and does not want to settle down, can I ask what you would suggest?

Rather than a suggestion, lets start with the definition of a Social Network Site – which is what Facebook is defined as. This is not a PUS (Pick Up Site). So perhaps your orientation would be better on an eDating site. Somewhere where the hunt for the ‘beautiful people’ can continue at apace, unabated and undisturbed by your ‘boring/ugly friends’.

You may want to reflect on the small detail that if your circle of friends are ‘boring’, then what does that say about you?

The (possibly) awkward truth for you is that your desire to be among the beautiful people underlies a latent insecurity for how you feel about yourself. In this instance, it suggests that you are not at all happy and have what is a chip on your shoulder.

Some join Facebook to connect better to friends, others for the distraction, to see what’s going on and/or take a complete overhaul of their social life. One obvious problem with the latter is that the people that you have as friends now are also your friends on Facebook, and based on real situations and relationships. On an individual level people and the relationships we share with them are hugely complex, thus, any plan for total social change or strategic development is almost guranteed to lead to disatisfaction on a number of levels. First there is the focusing of delusionary tendencies – your desire to be only with the beautiful people. Second, this means that you have chronically overestimated the effect that your just being on Facebook will have – i.e. access to the aforementioned beautiful people.

BUT there’s a deeper rooted problem. This is the rationalisation of your split of friends into those who are ‘beautiful’ and those who are not (as ‘ugly’). Suggestive of a deeply damaging notion of self. One which implies an individualistic judgement based on facile intentions rather the who someone is and characteristics that ultimately define them.

This needn’t mean that you have to change this assessment – you don’t have to listen to me. But it won’t make you happy. It also means that your current boring friends will soon leave you behind, making the idea of your being friends with others – whether beautiful or not – as an unrealistic goal. My real point is to suggest that you shouldn’t be pursuing others based on such shallow assessments, but you ought to (count your chickens) and start from where you already are. So work on your own route to contentment without the mirror view.

To sum up, you have turned your Facebook network into a battleground of ego and self-competitiveness. People worry (quite enough) about how they feel about themselves, look etc. without the added layer of someone like you marking them out as ‘boring’ or ‘not beautiful enough’. Perhaps you should consider plastic surgery to iron out your edges before following this life-style assessment to its end point.

Have you also considered joining an evening classes in the painting of cave walls and chest pounding? I think you would find that you have a natural talent for it Caveman.

13 Responses to “#1035 NOT! if you’re ugly on Facebook!”

  1. Popdop says:

    Ego test LOL
    Like some prom all about face but no depth

  2. Paul says:

    What about the use of objects in profile photos?

  3. WhatWhat says:

    LOL FB photos are about wanttobes not RL. Lots in my network have pics of things – flash cars – they want to be associated with. Nothing to do with RL

  4. Anonymous says:

    What amuses me most on SNS is when the user has attempted the flattering or pretty pic but somehow it didn’t quite turn out right and it is not flattering or pretty!

  5. Anonymous says:

    Do you write for allfacebook.com?

  6. JohnnyD says:

    What I hate are is the relationship photo. Happy couple statement that says your identity is his identity. And aren’t you guys so cute? So in loooove? Everyone just know to know how serious this is. Oh, and he better also have a picture of you two on his profile, or there is going to be trouble….

  7. Genmi says:

    My mate and I took pictures and uploaded them to our facebook profiles using my Nintendo DS . The pictures looked great on the site. When you consider how small the DS is it's amazing that they take as good of a picture as they do. The DS has always been first and foremost about playing games but Nintendo is just getting into the brave new world of multifunction electronics and games are getting to be about more than games!

  8. Aaidan says:

    I hate the way FB makes people competitive. It was supposed to be a place for connections but is now getting more like a race to be seen as popular.

  9. sophie says:

    Can you delete all your ugly pics at once. I don't want my pre surgery bod on show.

  10. Princess says:

    But are not all facebookers shallow?

    I know I am

  11. Anonymous says:

    My GF had me photshop her pics because she want to look extra fit. I wonder if her friends also do this so you gat a race to be fit

  12. HotChick says:

    IMO facebook is to popular. What we need is a niche SNS like some work ones but for people like me! That is attractive, intelligent,hot and non-sufferer of fools and dimwits.

  13. UglyInside says:

    But would this be different if there were no photos? Problem with SNS and MySpace is worse is that they have become too visual. Compare to Linkedin.

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