Proper Facebook Etiquette

#1041 You didn’t think Facebook was private did you?

Sunday 23rd August, 2009

Dear Mariann,
After a night out with a new date I posted on his Facebook Wall to say what a great time we had. I got a bit carried away and included some intimate details thinking that it would only be him who read my message. Now I’ve found out that everyone can see the message and I can’t delete it! What’s going on?

(with thanks for this dilemma inspired by the occurences of Tracy’s ***** life as forwarded for my attention by Mr B.D.


Tracy, I know your name is Tracy as this is included on the Wall post and is viewable to one and all who can read your ‘message’ that has circulated the web numerous times. If you wanted to keep anonymity might I recommend that you leave Facebook well alone, as clearly your intellectual abilities fall short of the required saviness with which to navigate such a site. Yes, you’ve discovered the ease of a point-and-click correspondence, but have failed to take on board how such deliveries are across a public forum. This means that anyone (who is anyone, including the likes of you) can read and respond to your postings.

My first fear is to query, what else have you posted? And this particular post was after only one date. I thought you American’s were all about ‘first base, to second, to third’ and so forth. Were you going for a Home Run?…

In order to extricate the most damaging aspects of your actions, lets look closer at your Post (go here dear reader for a full reading).

You commence in a promising, even polite manner,

Tracy: Thank you too Michael, I had a great time as well.

Tracy, this is an excellent start to your replied response from Michael. Well done. I congratulate you on your inclusion of his name (you had not forgot it after your – to come – roll-in-the-hay) and you remain complimentary of your time together as a couple. I cannot find fault in your Posting at this point. Next you go on to reveal,

Tracy: I’m glad you enjoyed my OTHER pussy ;).

And from here-on-in you go (potentially) quite, quite wrong. Unless you refer to a beloved pet, I can but assume that your date was something of a ‘gynecological expert’ and being in the ‘field’ so to speak had the opportunity for a up close examination. That or you’re a hussy. This is not the behaviour of a woman that can be accredited with good taste and decorum. I bet you ordered oysters. Actually I bet you went to McDonald’s. Your next sentances I will edit, as some of my reader’s may be of a more delicate disposition and are consequently not prepared for your ‘openness’ – both emotionally and leg-related. In short, there’s a vulgarity of scale that you’ve managed to fall off…

Tracy: I hope this message doesn’t scare you off, I just wanted you to know what a wonderful time I had with you. You are permanently invited to the ‘love cave ***** (sesored)’

(Mariann starts to go blind at Tracy’s revelations)…

Well Tracy again you nearly get the tone right. ‘I just wanted you to know what a wonderful time I had with you’ is charming and noble in its sentiment. The ‘hope this message doesn’t scare you off’ rather reeks of ‘psycho’ and ‘needy’. Were you to re-write this message (please do not attempt such actions) any plea to how your Post should be read are all in vain. Generally your reader will read and interpret what they choose from your words without any prompts required. Thus, any future correspondance that claims, ‘I am not stalker or hussy date’ will reveal exactly the opposite.

‘You are permenantly invited to the love cave *****’ oh dear god. Is this just an invitation for Michael or can anyone from your Facebook network take advatage? Remember this is a public post. Prepare for things to get crowded.

Tracy, we all get things wrong when we’re keen on someone. It would appear that your methods of seduction are crude and, hence, accompanying correspondences rude and lude. If you are concerned about the ’embarrassment factor’ then there is a ready-made solution for you to adopt. This is to log-out and never return to Facebook. Be the perfect Facebook correspondence. Avoid those embarrassing, and inevitably late night (intoxicated), messages. Use a medium that is designed to be discreet, not brash. Save such revealations for face-to-face and in PRIVATE moments.

Alternatively you could carry on regardless. After all you’re keeping your networks amused and it may save them from making similar slips.

I imagine that your Posting actions appear as a bit reckless now. But, fear not, everything will calm down once Michael’s allowed back ‘in your cave’ and your message has gone around the web another three times.

4 Responses to “#1041 You didn’t think Facebook was private did you?”

  1. Berlusconi says:

    Tracy have we done it?

  2. Anonymous says:

    Dear Tracy, WE see you are engaged. What doe your fiancée say about this? But he must be useless since you were in abstinence for so many long months.

    It is also good to hear about the OTHER pussy which means most surely that he (Michael) serviced your exhaust. Is he a gay mechanic to leave your "love cave between your legs" alone?

    Please keep us updated
    Mr Dee

  3. JaneA says:

    What are people like? I have a question – what is the equivalent of the sort of 'mating' that is depicted in Jane Austin's novels. A different time and 'technology' but human nature does not change.

  4. JohnD says:

    OOOH slutty – good read for Monday morning!

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