Proper Facebook Etiquette

#1047 GCSE cocktail

Thursday 27th August, 2009

Dear Mariann,
I get my GCSE results TODAY! I think that I will ‘fail ALL my exams’ and that I’m going to end up working as a waitress in a cocktail bar. Everyone is on Facebook and will be sharing their results. How can I make sure that I survive the day ?

I imagine that you still live in at home. If your results day is anything like mine, you are going to be woken up by your family first thing – like some weird twilight zone reversal of Christmas when it is usually you who wakes them (unless you’ve discovered the delight of the Christmas Day lie-in). Then you will hear for most of the morning how ‘proud‘ they are of you, regardless of what you get.

Listen to these sentiments as they will keep the butterflies from over-powering you on your way to the results station. Keep away from Facebook prior to results disclosure. This goes the same for ‘hanging out’ with friends before you are handed your envelope(s) as there will be the inevtiable ‘what did you do for section A, or section B for Geography?’ etc exchanges.

Once with envelope(s) in hand – RUN ! – to a space where you can take a deep breath and read your results. Once the rush-to-the-head has finished and you can again get oxygen to the head (your family will have tracked you down by this stage) now is the time to reveal ‘what you got’.

Should the news is Good! update your Facebook Status immediately. Now is the time gloating.

Should the results not swing your way, avoid the temptation to go over past ground and grind yourself down by asking ‘what went wrong’. Better to update your Status to

‘Looking for a job in a cocktail bar’

By the end of the day you’ll have job offers and be a dab hand at making a mojito. Which given your present state could be quite handy. Although you’re still underage, so make a graceful exit before the drinks are on the house.

You win all ways.

2 Responses to “#1047 GCSE cocktail”

  1. Parent says:

    Do you have a basic guide or notes for parents? My daughter is off to University and I would like to make sure I don't make any 'parent' mistakes when I use Facebook with her. Or should I keep away?

  2. Anonymous says:

    Love the blog :) Have a question. Off to Uni and will start using FB a lot. So will put in my family and friends networks. A family member is a (minor) celebrity and her agent has said I should be carful what I do on FB as journalists use it as a source for their stories. Seems unfair that I should not use it but there is no point in me not using my real name! Any thoughts?

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