Proper Facebook Etiquette

#572 Virginity pact

Saturday 3rd October, 2009

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Dear Mariann,
Recently, when he stays over at mine, upon waking my boyfriend logs in and plays with his Blackberry. He spends hours on Facebook and ignores me. Of course, he needs to be in touch for work, but can’t he wake me up some other way?… Any ideas?…
(from GWI by email)

Feel taken for granted? Lacking a morning embrace? Perhaps your boyfriend is saving you from morning breath danger, rather than being obtrusively rude after all. His blackberry acts as a small shield in this version of events.

Sadly, now that we are so rarely away from communication, when the situation does arise, the imperative is to be back in touch as soon as possible. In general, the etiquette surrounding staying over night are in this instance largely put to one side as incoming communication takes priority. True disconnection then is only ever encountered again on ‘special occasions’ as anniversaries or when the Blackberry’s battery has run down.

Upon his entering your abode put up a digital force-field. Then no device shall work. No force-field? Next time, you should also seek to remove all such devices with a frisking at the front door and then fling such technology with relish back into the street. The advantage of this is it contains a love test. If he runs back outside to retrieve such devices; SHUT, with a flourish and a loud BANG your very threshold. IF, however, he catches on and responds instead with a passionate embrace, your evening and morning time shall be a happy one.

After his stay over, it would be polite to position yourself at the front door and do a reverse of the above; putting back into his hands his various devices and the power of connectivity. Repeat as a custom on each staying over. He should get the hint.

Outside your home, when you are on a date, keep his blackberry close to hand – perhaps disposed into your handbag. Then upon combination of a fine evening out; wine, food etc. adn the lag between the Starters and Main, you can Facebook yourself and throw yourself into his digital reverie.

7 Responses to “#572 Virginity pact”

  1. Dr Mariann Hardey says:

    @ Rob,

    I'm sure readers would rather eat camel hoof than become tired by my constant updating of personal social incidences. Of which there are numerous. All good of course.

    You may have read some here…

  2. Rob says:

    Just out of interest, Dr Hardy, do you share any of your own digitally social dilemmas on here?

    I'm intrigued.

  3. Dr Mariann Hardey says:

    @ Stuart, have no fear. I'm leaving the Evangelist readers to their own virginity pacts.

    @ Junie – but it wasn't Facebook per se that split the marriage was it…Facebook promise rings?… Yuk.

    @AdamG proper 'oldies' on Facebook. A dream. I would cultivate their Wallposts and become a network 'hero' / famous within networks. Check out the gran who tweets from Juru.

    @ Rob or reconfigure his power supply.

  4. Rob says:

    So what you're basically saying is that you need to penetrate his firewall?

    Sorry. Couldn't resist.

  5. AdamG says:

    My grandparents are on Facebook and are snoops, so I have censored them from my wall because I can’t control what is posted there. This might be good advice for others.

  6. Junie says:

    A part of Facebook is reconnecting with people from the past, but sometimes innocent flirting with an “old flame” can lead to the end of a marriage. I have heard about cases of marriages ending as a result of affairs started on Facebook. The advice should be give your spouse your password, and permission to log into your Facebook account at any time. I would make it part of the marriage ceremony rings and Facebook passwords.

  7. Stuart Says says:

    Gave me a heart attack. Thought you were advocating a virginity pact. Your American Evangelist readers would like that.

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