#577 Too old; too married; too fat to be of interest…
Friday 16th October, 2009
I think my tutor is hitting on me at Facebook. He keeps up a stream of pokes and posts that are jokey but more sexual. He does not act that way in class but my friends are joking about us because they see what he is doing. I don’t know what to do as I can’t tell him to push off as he marks my work.Oh he is too old too married and too fat to be of interest in THAT way!!!!!!
(From Anonymous in response to the post ‘A Battle Ground of Sexual Ego’)
Upon reading your dilemma, I find myself reaching for the Red Phone – reserved for emergency conundrums that require a direct line to the superheros best to deal with today’s deviant master minds.
Initially, his first poke was intended to see if you would respond. Upon a ‘stream’ pokes and posts it is obvious that he wants to get off with you. I have no doubt that he realises that you are a student and thus he is in a position of power and responsibility over you. Not that his behaviour suggests that he is taking this role seriously. I can see why your situation is ‘sticky’ – metaphorically and, perhaps otherwise – In the first instance, IF you are seen to respond you will only add to the ‘drama’ that he is creating between you both. In the second, IF you do not respond he will take this as an unconscious sign of consent on your part to continue harassing you in such a manner.
Do not respond. You will just be seen to encourage his arousal and/or be burdened with monologues about his dull life. First step BLOCK his Profile from your Facebook account. Ensure that he does not know any other method of contact with you. If you feel like you want to take this further (and I would encourage you to think seriously about this) then keep a record of his communication and seek someone you trust with whom you can bring to their attention your sticky situation. I suspect with a swift lock of Privacy Settings you will be able to ‘encourage’ his attentions off of you. However, I would not be surprised if his flirtations were also prevalent in other places and that you were not the only one getting a good poking.
I recall when I worked for a ‘media’ firm in the city I had similar univited intrusions upon my professional life with my boss. Upon his first introduction to me at the Christmas party, my boss started with the opener, ‘Excellent stuff, I thought you were my date for the evening. Even better now we’ll be working and rubbing up alongside everyday together’. Rather than tell him to ‘drop dead’ (I was a young, naive and fresh-faced graduate with an English Literature degree to boot) I grinned and bared it for a total of 8 months.
Daily he would send inhouse emails saying he was ‘looking forward to my reports’ and inviting me to ‘report to him’ etc. and getting increasingly sexually explicity. I expect he thought he was being thoroughly charming. I would like to say that I was flattered, but like your tutor he was too old; too married; too fat to be of interest – add to this too up his own arse. Plus his knowledge of the English language was full of errors and so unoriginal in its contents even IF I had found him attracted I would have fallen asleep before any other kind of bed based activity could take place.
This was before Facebook. And I could not ‘block’ him from my user account. He ran the company after all. In the end instead of hitting his delete button, I hit my own. I left his company, his greasy chubby hands and oily words and have never looked back. He did find me on Facebook the other day and had the cheek to send a Friend Request. I have never hit ‘ignore’ with such a flourish and swipe of key strokes! In short there are ways and means to delete this man from your life. You are smart enough to run rings around his underhand pokes and make sure such intrusions are positioned elsewhere. Preferably up his arse. Although he might like that.Tweet