Proper Facebook Etiquette

#590 Fat Friends

Thursday 19th November, 2009

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Dear Mariann,
I have fat friends on facebook – I have read that if you have fat friends you too can become fat – should I unfriend or not worry?
(From DennyC in reply to the post Unfriendly Defriending: Lets call the whole thing off)

Denny, I don’t like the cut of your jibber jabber. Fat friends that make you fat indeed! How rude. This smacks of something that you’ve read and have not understood. In all likelihood research that has come secondhand, straight out of some Ivy League and spurious research council you picked up via Reader’s Digest. Probably whilst sitting on your own fat arse.

You would get on well with a friend of mine who quotes that according to Harvard studies, ‘Obesity can spread like a contagious disease’. Well, yes in part you are both (prejudicial) correct. Obesity can spread like a contagion. Does this mean that it’s ‘catching’ in the same way as a common cold? No. Should count yourself lucky that you have caught any friends at all, ‘fat’ or otherwise? Yes.

But, I am not taking your concerns seriously enough. What if there were possible contagion from who you friend. Then, I would take a leaf out of Paris Hilton’s Facebook friends and only friend those ‘pretty people’. I mean ‘rich’ people. This means that you can cut your friendship threads by the same cloth that you wear. In this instance everyone will be botoxed and/or wearing something pink.

IF your fat friends (lets call them ff’s) are a real worry in terms of their fatness, as opposed to your (*rolls eyes*) well, one can only imagine…, then so long as you avoid the ff’s sitting on you I think you’ll be OK.

Just to clarify, your ff’s were not originally ‘too fat’ for you to ‘friend’ in the first instance? OR were they all thinnies back then? Perhaps they have become ff’s by being friends with you.

btw, if you had read with attention the blog post you posted your comment to, you would know that I refer to ‘defriend’ rather than ‘unfriend’ as the new ‘doing’ verb (In this instance the Oxford (American) Dictionary is ‘wrong’ in its stipulation of such ‘yoff language’). And in terms of new acts of ‘doing’, this puts into place all manner of visualisation related to you that I could do without this early of the morning.

In sum, I propose that your ‘fear’ or disapproval of ff’s is a projection of your own insecurities. I have tried to dumb down as far as I can, but suspect that your head is too stuffed with Mars Bars (other confectionery is available) to carry the neurons for real understanding.

4 Responses to “#590 Fat Friends”

  1. Girls says:

    We think you should stop reading Elle and have a pci reading a suitable publication for each post.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Did you know babeness is catching' too many friends in the babe category make a guy gay! Girls more desirable of course. Is there any research on this?

  3. GGirl says:

    funny – seriously have you seen that the new Office combines profiles with emails so you can see the emailer in terms of their profile on SNS

  4. allan says:

    Pervert alert.

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