#591 …should I defriend one in preference for the other?
Sunday 22nd November, 2009
I am convinced that I must come clean. I am in love with my friends man. As they are both on Facebook, and I am friends with them both, should I defriend one in preference for the other?
From BH via (repeated) email/s.
BH, IF I told you that it was highly unacceptable to be perusing anothers man – let alone a friend – would this make the slightest difference as to the direction of your actions? I suspect no. Just by your (repeated) correspondence to me is clearly Stage One of a series of steps that you already have in your mind to ‘act out’ – or at least to act upon – in the pursue of your intended.
To state the obvious, one of the things that drives social networks is the networking. Yes, there have been numerous press articles about the follies of couples who have split as a result of one, or both in some cases, straying after contact on Facebook. What these ‘stories’ would have you believe is that Facebook, and the like, are the source of all the worlds ills – stalkers, divorces etc. However, what they fail to point out is that it is the individual who is responsible for their own actions and can choose whether to stray or nay quite readily on their own. Yes, the technology sometimes makes such divergences easier, but the impetus has to be there in the first place.
And so to your dilemma. This is a classic case of defriending for the self, for self’s sake. Or rather self/ish sakes. On the one hand a defriend will push you forward into personal loyalty and preference toward one of the couple. On another such action means that you will be ‘locked out’ from any updates of the one you choose to distance yourself from. Depending on your preference for personal voyeurism and/or macabre pleasure of seeing what another is up to, when your own self interests may damage their happiness, is a quandary that only you can decide upon.
As you have written to me countless times I can only assume that you seek either my approval (no) or ‘two cents’ worth. Well, for it’s worth here is the two cents; knowing that your relationship with one of the couple is not based on good intentions one should always work on the principle to treat with everyone with respect. Also one should work on the premise that such conceits are likely to be discovered. And may not have happy consequences.
It might work out well though. I’m tempted to advise, ‘yes’ create as much havoc as possible! However, this does seem to err towards the optimistic. Perhaps what people really lack these days is variety and a lust for life – literally in your case. Why don’t you defriend them both. Leave them to their coupledom and hit on others in the old fashioned way: Meet in the supermarket (is that just me?), bar, place of work etc.
If the above fails to work. Why the defriending? Tell one half of the couple they do not stand a chance together. Poke incessantly at the other. Then you can look forward to being racked with guilt and saying bah-humbug as we swiftly turn toward smug-coupledom Christmas.Tweet