#596 intense social fruition
Friday 4th December, 2009
There has been an intense social fruition between myself and a friend over the past months. Whilst we have a splendid time together, my overall affection is waning. And now to my most difficult task; how do I tell her its all over? Or can I just defriend on Facebook and hope she gets the message?
I have already dropped countless hints about how much I want out but, undeterred, she still persists . What should I do? I find myself hiding away from every form of communication from her.
(From FS via (very lengthy) email).
Oh unrequited love/lust/friendship. How Shakespeare would approve such dilemmas and how eloquent he was in his portrayal of star crossed lovers. Well star crossed you certainly are not. Perhaps more star dazed. In support of your attempts at ‘countless hints’ to get her to ‘go away’, perhaps because you have not given any clarity or a real explanation of your intentions is precisely why there is no end to the matter. And, in short, this is why she can ‘still persist’.
If I were to boldly assume that you have lost your rag (or rather nerve) we can strip away the bounds of your dilemma to this; you want out, but also seek to save face and act with as much dignity as is possible.
You could ‘defriend‘. This is, however, by no means an exhaustive measure. She will no doubt see this as a harsh rebuff and want to take you for task over it. Prepare then for your mobile phone etc. to receive a flurry of ‘why’ messages, missed calls etc. Switch all communication outlets to OFF.
How to dismiss those with which one is not really interested lies at the heart of many an everyday drama. This is not a dilemma unique to our times.
My advice, you lose no face by being kind. And by ‘being kind’ I mean honest, straightforward and to the point. She will only respect you more for not mucking her about. Or updating your Facebook Relationship Status to ‘single’ or ‘its complicated’ without prior notice. You may reply that you are ‘not in a relationship’, but by giving courtesy to your friend you convey the best of attitudes and dignity. Besides where you shared such a connection before it would be a shame to ‘defriend‘ for the sake of you possibly losing your nerve.
Otherwise, every time you see her presence on Facebook and the like seek to annoy her with unaccustomed pokes, inconsiderate wall posts and messages. In short act like a jerk. It won’t be long before she is avoiding and defriending you. And if that seems to be taking too long, try posting pictures of yourself naked with another, that should put the wind up her quite effectively.Tweet