#246 how can I leave the loser’s behind?
Sunday 28th March, 2010
I’ve been a longtime campaigner for friends to join Facebook. I’ve been on it and with it since I was a student. Now I’m self-employed and get all kind of junk in my trunk sent to my Facebook. Any ideas on how I can leave such losers behind?
(From Camilla via email (with no junk))
‘junk in your trunk’ – is some sort of whimsical yoff language that I’m not aufait with? I feel so uncurrent. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Personally I’m shattered. I’ve been up all night responding to SPAM’d messages and sorting through all your dilemmas. Not that I mind, but there are so many viagra and weightloss correspondance one can reasonably spend time filtering, under their very ‘filtration’ (straight into TRASH in case you care to know) becomes a kind of mediated existence of (my own) information overload creation. So, I can relate to your dilemma of mass information penetration.
To better channel your energies on Facebook, first I would scale back your public setting/s and realign privacy so that you ‘appear’ as a guilded public badged presence, but can only be ‘got at’ if you accept someone as a friend.
Second, I would take glass (of something lovely and robust) to hand – my preference is a red with big notes for this particular overture – and take a deep breath. In. Select your friend list and cull those with whom you cannot immediately recollect, are not ‘bizness’ acquaintences or are fanciable and therefore flirtable in the slightest. After a good defriend your newsFeeds will be ‘better’ and this should cut back on the ‘losers’.
Just earlier this week I took rather ruthless action and decided that anyone I did not ‘know’: makes me laugh, have their phone number, have had contact with in the last two months, have seen naked on more than one occasion; were dismissed. That day I tweeted (yes i’m on all the social networks don’t you know) ‘the end of friendship? updating friend/s on Facebook. Who will survive?’ Brutal? Perhaps. But in reality I don’t really think with any level of ego’d credibility that anyone of my real friends is that interested in whether they are included on Facebook or not. I am perfectly ‘gettable’ by other degrees of mediated and non-mediated separation.
Leaving the ‘losers’ behind. Perhaps this is a sympton of a new moder age where we choose to catalogue our entire lives by varying degrees of separation. Close friends: on Facebook, have their mobile number AND know where they live. Acquaintances: known through work, friends of friends, have met at least once. Or at least plan to meet up at least once in the future. (might see naked later). Friends (*cough*): never met, might share one friend. Might not. Can’t recollect how you friended. Then we tail off into ‘family’, ‘extended family’ and ‘others’ – these people’s equate to strangers. But we may like/admire snippets of their lives. Perhaps they have a particularly captivating newsFeed. Perhaps we got tipsy one night and friended them for the shear hell of it. Whatever. It’s OK to be undecided about this group. A bit like people watching from a cafe on the street, this is people watching through media-voyeriusm. NOT in a stalker kind of way, and certainly prefereable to ASDA on Satruday lunchtime.
Back to your dilemma Ms Camilla. Once you have scaled back, this comes down to regular, self-regulated regulation. Friends are friends are friends. Anyone who comes to Facebook for the first time (recall your student days) have to reel in the temptation to friend everyone. More than 600 friends looks naff and is self-defeating for ‘effective’ relations. Such links shouts of navel gazing ‘hey look at me, I’m so networked! I’m so great!’
I use the analogy of the swimming pool here; everyone in the water and things get crowded, you’re jostled, oh, and there’s more ‘undercurrents’ shall we say. Stay on the waters edge and you retain tge ability to stand up right without having to tread water or risk getting ducked. Plus heavy petting is OK from a distance. Or maybe I was going to describe something to do with drowning in information. Whatever. The analogy works. Just avoid mouth-to-mouth in both instances.Tweet