Proper Facebook Etiquette

#247 Out of me head…

Monday 5th April, 2010

Dear Mariann,
I’m out of me head me Is it good to put on me wall that I have some hot meow ? Come on have some
(From Out in reply to the post #246 how can i leave the loser’s behind?)
I’ve currently lost my stash. No, carry on. I’ve just been reliably informed that all is safe in the world of horticulture and there is enough fertiliser left to reinvigorate the saturated fields ‘neath the cottage window.
Meow. You’re going to be popular with your kitty cats aren’t you? I would be more concerned with assessing at what point does this breach your public liberties.  Keep on marking your territory in the same way and it won’t just be the local pussy (pause for dramatic effect) cats that will be looking for a poke in your litter tray, but – if Government policy goes the way it suggests (minus a few sackings and quits) – then your Meow will be turned over in quite a different way. Keep those whiskers twitching.
Etiquette/ly; you don’t know how to act. Or rather you do, but you’re doing it all in the wrong ways.  Posting on your own Wall that you have Meow. Ridiculous. That’s because a) you’re making yourself out to be the ‘big man’ and b) your friends (if they have any kind of sense) won’t be interested anyway.  You don’t know how to keep a level of respect for others in your network.  Not just you, but the majority of your ‘Hey I’m doing something really exiciting’ shouty updating on your own Wall posting type. You know who you are. So your foray into the world of being seen to be exciting and self-named as ‘Out'( as you accredit yourself with) show that your what you lack in social reflexivity, so too does this affect the quality of your friendship network.
On the other hand, what do I know.  My own social life bears little with your first flush of ‘hot Meow’. Perhaps it is my youth that has deteriorated. Or I’ve just lost my patience and ‘good’ taste with such litter tray wasters. Oh, wait. Not lost. Just misplaced. Somewhere outside Kings Cross station on a dark and rainy night with the promise of romance in air. This is bound to return and be found some-when.  Or perhaps I am just misplacing how determinedly ‘hot’ your Meow really is.  After all if we were Facebook friends I could have been rejoiced in your notification and enjoyed some mane attention over the long bank holiday weekend.
I can recall how a friend-of-a-friend was of the friendly type at university and would share around his own updates regarding the baking of rock cakes/brownies (cough).  Before Facebook, he made the first usage of posting on his own Wall.  This one being the actual physical wall to the flat of residence with the graffiti code being ‘coxcakes’.  As legend would have it, if you were passing and fancied sharing some cakes yourself his flat mates  would do the ‘secret knock’, whilst you awaited mere moments for freshly kneaded dough, secured with the paper kind of dough.  Quite an enterprising chap. Until he had to retake the first year three times in a row and it was ‘mutually ‘ agreed between the university and his father that a new wing to one of the ‘old’ wings was enough to secure a ‘pass’ of a degree and some coxcakes for the grad ball.  Well that last part is how he plays out the chain of events.  Now he bakes other cakes. Has an utterly divine family. And doesn’t write on Walls anymore.
Mr Out, Facebook is a friend institution.  Set about it the right way and you can turn bleak rainy days into an amusement of passing clips, updates and images.  Set yourself up as a ‘hot’, leads to speculation that you are too eager, untrustworthy, or just ‘stupid’.  Take down your wall post. Keep the Meow to yourself. Lock up the cat-flap. And don’t let the local Tom’s in.

One Response to “#247 Out of me head…”

  1. Plod says:

    What should be highlighted is that police and other scan Facebook – so stupid sods that go on about – legal for now – behaviour are asking for trouble.

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