Proper Facebook Etiquette

#250 desire to run off with the next guy I friend on Facebook.

Monday 12th April, 2010

Dear Mariann,
I have this burgeoning desire to run off with the next guy I friend on Facebook. There’s challenge, pace and desire to add to the contest. So how can I get things to go full-steam ahead?

(From Gill via a referral (my first one))

Gill, how delightfully challenging of you. Are you sure that you wouldn’t rather hang out at Tesco and bump into the a potential dearest via the nearest common denominator. Then you can assuredly test the Who he is via the quality of his basket. Meal for one = OK to go, or lonely dunderhead. Equally, a basket full of crap = in all likelihood crap in the sack (more research on this please).  Perhaps that’s enough challenge for you to add suitable pace to this scenario.  IF that’s all a bit 20th Century; why not do a Gill; why not pursue a suitable Romeo on Facebook?

I’m convinced that there is a skill to all this coupling malarkey.  The current dating go getter’s would have it that things are pretty straightforward; unless you apply their models to a Facebook interior. Then things become swiftly more cloak and dagger, and complicated.  Even via Facebook chat its difficult to recreate a to and fro of polite conversation. Unless you prefer a Poke here and there. I, do not. Give me an in-person perusal any day of the week. Yes, that ‘s me chasing you down the Tesco aisle.  Imagination is one thing, the technological delay, miscomprehension and supposed ‘thoughtful’ quips (no doubt googled for your sake) provide quite another mode of conduct.

I must, however, recognise that this is your guide for action Gill, and not mine. So ‘how to get things full steam ahead’? A very quick and simple process is to follow these three steps;

  1. Set your Profile Page to ‘open’. To do this you will need to update your Privacy Settings and make sure that all of sundry can access your page and accompanying delights.
  2. Those accompanying delights: make sure that you have a suitable vestige of images of yourself – all flattering of course, get friends to add suitable commentary like ‘you’re so hot in this picture’ etc. This should get Romeo’s tail wagging.
  3. Next a suitable status update ‘crusing for men‘ might be a bit obvious, but will secure a number of hits, if that’s what you’re going for.  I take it this little operation isn’t to find Mr Darcy, but rather a Mr Pass-y (as in about to make a pass at you).

And there you have it a bonkers, and as yet unproven, method to secure a steamy situation. Or just land you in hot water.

Incidently anyone with any beacon of sense, ignore the above three steps and your find pursuit of happiness some other way. A little light flirtation is all fine and good, but ensure that it’s with wit and wisdom, rather than fixated Friending to that other fword…

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