Sunday 18th April, 2010
Hello. I’m an easygoing kind of chap. I work hard as the head of marketing and PR for a well-known company in Central London. I love company and have just secured a new relationship. Over the weekend I noticed that my girlfriend and wife are now Facebook friends. This showed up when I was looking at my girlfriends Profile and read ‘such and such is now friends with ******’ You can imagine my surprise. I am am a confident chap. But find myself perplexed by this turn of events. Why are they friends? How do they know each other? Have I been found out? How does the female mind work? Help!
(From Comingsbry via email and Facebook and…)
Now here’s a man who’s not backward about coming forward. Gosh I bet that you are the sort of chap who lacked mother’s attention when you were a boy and will Friend anyone (regardless of context) on Facebook. I see that I already have received a F.R. (Friend Request) from you. Well you can F.R.O. (as in F* Right Off).
Whilst you’ve managed to make me gag already with your presumptive/arrogant actions, I will, of course, do you the courtesy of replying to your dilemma. I’m assuming from your perplexed state that Wife does not know about girlfriend and vice-versa. This is not an ‘open’ situation? Perhaps you could write something on your girlfriend’s Wall. Go wtih, ‘thanks for all the rumpy darling, be seeing you soon xxx’. Then this will show up in your NewsFeed and your wife will be reliably informed as to precisely how you see fit to sow your oats.
Let’s address each of your questions in turn,
‘Why are they friends?’
Probably because you have absolutely nothing on offer. I don’t care how ‘executive’ in PR and marketing you see fit to parade yourself as. We’ve all done PR dah-ling mwah mwah. You should also know there’s a woman’s conspiracy where we secretly all know each other and will friend and defriend throughout the week just mess with our Status Updates and any man’s mind.
How do they know each other?
You haven’t introduced one to the other? For shame. Perhaps they ‘met’ at a therapy group for the relationship anxious. At the Christmas party? Have joined a group on Facebook that celebrates a particularly sweaty and over-coiffed sort of chap?
Have I been found out?
Do you hear a sharpening of nail/knives in the background? I would sleep with your eyes open if I were you.
How does the female mind work?
You’re in PR. Think of the female mind as representative of that big pitch that you need to win. You flex and march up and down getting all pumped, twitching and waving for attention. You offer no romance. No love. You’re inconsequential with nowt added. So don’t worry, in your case, there’s absolutely no need for the female mind to work at all.Tweet