Dear Marianna (it’s Mariann btw, but nearly…),
I’m completely blocked. How do I improve my situation? You’ve advised before not to worry if friends don’t get back to you. But what if they never get back to you? How do I get to have my say?
Hoover, don’t panic. There is an element of self-fulfilling prophecy as far as Facebook relations go. Lonely, don’t get out much, fed up of the drudge of daily old flannel? Then do not let this reflect your Facebook status. Avoid then any updates that negate a ‘the problem with this n that’ tone.
Must say, I’m terribly flattered that you are keeping track of what it is that I’m advising on here. If I were you, I wouldn’t worry about those friends that don’t get back to you. It is easy on Facebook to fervently hope that any level of evasion is less a tactic of avoidance and more about busy lives that are too caught up to get in touch with you. Thus, no communication is no negative reflection on you. Buuuuut, if this continues as a series of requests that go either 1.ignored, or 2.occasionally have a reply of some form – usually a Poke, as an indicator of ‘I’m not dead, but I’m also not taking the time to message you’ this indicates a friend who is too reticent to contact you. And perhaps with good reason?
If your worst fears are to be confirmed that the above tactic points to a hope that if those kind of friends ignore you for long enough, you will leave them alone. You’ll still be Facebook friends, but you won’t actually be friend, friends.
The other possiblity is that they are playing hard to get. They are waiting for you to up the ante and would rather than it is you who fiddles around all day on Facebook, than wear out their own time and Poking quota getting in touch with you.
In short, it is up to you to decide if the friendships are to be wound up, or better left wound down.
Having just finished with one such particular winding down myself, I am well placed to offer advice: if anyone is small minded enough not – after a series of midnight induced ‘hello’s’; related Status changes ‘hey I wonder what ***** is up to’; Pokes and the like, then stop doing it. It really is terribly inconvenient (and rather red-faced) when PCPlod comes a calling. What do you mean it’s ‘harassment’? Surely they were just playing hard to get?
In a moment of weakness you may plead that it ‘wasn’t you’, but a note on Facebook privacy. Facebook records everything. Everything! And it can be a miserable existence, sitting alone hunched over the keyboard just trying to get in touch. And there have been many occasion when I would have given up, and got myself down the pub, had I not been convinced that my knowledge of what the popular crowd (we called them the Hairposse/sluts) at school are up to now would make my whole existence ‘better’ (in a moment of weakness I did find myself composing a rather neat note with reference to one girls perchance for locker rooms, but stopped myself when I realised that she was now a traffic warden and that was revenge enough). In this instance, there’s no need to fret about a concern to ‘have your say’, as a lurking smugness may not make you a bigger person, but can be much more fun.