Proper Facebook Etiquette

#864 sh*t looking

Tuesday 1st June, 2010

Dear Mariann,

Does it matter that my face looks sh*t on Facebook?

(From ishouldfoto by email)

Let’s go back to the beginning. BFB (Before Facebook) it was relatively – given the faffing about and upload time – rare to post an image of oneself on the web. At the current rate of web-interaction there occurs to my mind a decidedly STEEP market increase in the putting up of pictures (and the like). So much so that this is the usual mode of conduct post a ‘good weekend’ or major event. If only to reveal what it is (oh, you exciting person you) have been up to. And to remove oneself as far as is possible from any danger of being accused to be ‘boring’ or a ‘shut in’. I rather like being a shut in on occasion. It means that you do not have to deal with the shut outs. Or shut ups.

Concern that your face looks *scans for less confrontational/judgemental description*, look less than attractive (‘sh*t’) could show a reflexive high regard for your friends. Equally it could also be a thinly veiled guise for us to all chant, ‘oh but surely not, you look lovely’ etc. On the one hand you seem to be imagining that there is demanded of you a non-sh*t image. Which is partly true. However, I rather doubt that your friends have even noticed whether you appear sh*t or not.

Naive Facebook interludes suggest that since you have this rather judgemental view of your image, you also threaten your friends with the same treatment.  To analyse the situation properly we must consider where this active perspective first arose. Perhaps you were not loved enough as a child? suffered some severe trauma involving the schools hamster and a weekend away? an encounter of the third kind?… There are many possibilities. I have a few of my own. Most notable with the school hamster. You, on the other hand, will have to search within yourself to channel a more positive outlook.

LOOK, part of the (obvious) pleasure of Facebook is being able to see precisely what is going, and this lends itself to proper portraiture. So, no image of pets as Profile pictures please. No matter how Sh*t you claim to look. This perspective is not unique. And only a few days ago I was pushed off my usual perch when I came face-to-facebook-face with someone I much admire/d. Thankfully behind the screen my reaction – that feeling that emulates the ride on a particularly rocky roller-coaster – rumbled only my world. And then turned into a quick succession of mouse clicking and, I’m not proud to admit, web ‘stalking’. I know we’re not supposed to be vain creatures. But we are. In addition the ‘lesiure’ times enjoyed by us all on Facebook can be equally an animated and arousing experience, as much as it can be fraught with disappointment, crushing defeat, oh, and tea.  Especially when we’re on the topic of friends. Or, rather, friends *raise eyebrows* wink, nudge, nudge…

In a world that is marketed on looks, may I suggest that you turn your sh*t image into your unique selling point (USP to those in the game). Then, it is simply not something that you need have concern about as you will be making a memorable impact – whether sh*t or not.

8 Responses to “#864 sh*t looking”

  1. Dr Mariann Hardey says:

    @Mudlark. I\m charmed. Do inform the relevant Sunday readies. I’ll be on the (writers) starters block.

  2. Mudlark says:

    Love the site – should be in a sunday newspaper! My sister (14) has just got into Facebook or in fact the parents know she is there. They have told here that she must share her stuff with them as Facebook friends. I’ve used it since being at Uni and the parents and friends but I make sure they can’t see everything. Trouble is they have now got wise and are asking why I’m closing them off. What to do? I know my sister is young but it seems no fair that we should be treated the same.

  3. Dr Mariann Hardey says:

    @Rob. Hook, line and sinker everytime.

  4. Rob says:

    You really should have seen that coming, my Dear Dr H. I’m so predictable.

  5. Dr Mariann Hardey says:

    @Nab. Shudder. No really. This isn’t Guardian Soulmates doncha know.

  6. Nab says:

    Hot chicks like you have no problemo

  7. Dr Mariann Hardey says:

    Tut tut tut there Mr R. I see through your V.thinly veiled disguise. I think you’ll find there’s not a ruburbs in crumbles chance that you’re scoring on the ugly-o meter.

    Oh, look what you made me do, I’ve fallen for your tactical compliment charms after all.

  8. Rob says:

    Tch. That’s all very easy to say when you’re hot. Some of us are ugly, you know.

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