Proper Facebook Etiquette

#876 Guy Question

Thursday 29th July, 2010

Dear Mariann
GF broke up with me after two months. I ditched her number and we haven’t spoken since. I still have feelings for her and what gets me is facebook. I still check her page all the time. I want to know what you think. Delete her on facebook = petty/spiteful gesture or just moving on?

From Guy Question in reply to post #275 American Friends

Oh, dearest Mr Question, how the matters of the heart can make for tortured emotive Facebook outcry. Where is my box of mansized tissues? one can never be too tissue indisposed…

Heartache. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but your ‘resolution’ lies in your own telling. Ms GF ceased to care before her point of departure and split of however many moons ago.  From Her perspective, the dumper, the relationship here is now quite worthless, with little care about You, the dumpee.

Please, however, do not despair: you can get your own sense of worth back by incrementally retreating from what She is doing. Should you be a rip the plaster/band aid off kind of chap, then I would delete her account from your network immediately.  This course of action requires a strong stomach and stronger heart. Can you cut the mustard? Non? Then work to lessen Her influence in your network by quietening Her NewsFeed.  FORCE yourself to administer a Limited Profile status in relation to hers and proceed as you would without Facebook interference: Fractured moments gazing out the window listening to ‘your song’, memories of when you hung out at Tesco together, the remains of her hair down your plug hole etc.

Once She has begun to fade into the background turn to give greater attentions to what your other friends are up to. One strategy is to turn into a preening exhibitionist – They can’t failed to be wowed by your lassaiz fait nonchalant attitude and with any luck word will filter out to Her and impress upon how worldly, intellectual and attractive You are. Should this scenario really bear fruit, they’ll be a rainy night when She’ll appear on your doorstep ‘just a girl standing in front of a boy’ and you’ll be able to SLAM THE DOOR IN HER FACE! This will, of course, make her more keen. She’ll seek to reinstate you as a Facebook Friend immediately and you can take delight in hitting Ignore.

There we go, job done.

Otherwise pine slowly from afar. It did wonders for Rhett Butler. And he was quite the cad.

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