Proper Facebook Etiquette

#881 Recognition

Wednesday 18th August, 2010

Dear Mariann,

Facebook has become something of a battle between my girlfriend and I. She is always on, and I am always off. Is she right to share EVERYTHING on there, or am I in the right? I feel that your third party opinion will help to calm any future arguments and will surely save our relationship. Thanks

(From Mr Hagen via Facebook – oddly enough)

Mr Hagen, what an odd dilemma; wherein your angst lies with your girlfriends proximity to Facebook you choose to distance yourself and ingratiate your attentions to my blog. I’m honored and quite in rapt by such high acclaim. Let me see if I can help. Just as Romeo was all into Rosaline before he met his Juliet, the attentions that your girlfriend seeks via Facebook are to sustain an image of herself as ‘social’. Yes, she is choosing this departure of interests over you, but equally she had a life before you came along and, no doubt, fully intends to keep these dialogues open during (and after(?)) you run your path together. I am sure that she cannot be quite that different a woman from the one you first met and fell in love.  Even if she choose to wear a misplaced turban and extremely unsuitable and ghastly footware I am sure that you would forgive and embrace her into your arms.

Do not take her attentions to Facebook as a kind of replacement or preference to you. Maybe give her a good enough reason to focus her attentions on you. The kind of reason that comes with a heady woody scent that tugs at the butterflies in her stomach and lay away from the screen.

What a wonderful set of opportunities you have opening up before you, become more attentive through Facebook, a fan of her pages, indeed one could become fully charged and mad with some fun-filled and flirtatious dialogues.  Then again, unplug her. The girls clearly delusional and too into ‘that Pirate app’ than it is worth putting some other mark on her.

I’d defriend right away. Or take the opportunity to log in once and set your status to ‘single’ that should grab you some attention.

Incidentally now that you have some more free time on your hands as a newly single bachelor, may I recommend that you take two moments to click and vote for properfacebooketiquette on the Cosmopolitan Blog Awards, under ‘Sex & Relationships’ no less.

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