Proper Facebook Etiquette

#914 Crown on Facebook

Saturday 15th January, 2011

Dear Mariann
I am a big fan of your Royal Family. Do you know how find Kate Middleton on Facebook? I want to friend her and maybe get an invitation to the wedding as I could come over for a visit. Will you be going? Is she also on Twitter or do the Royals have their own private thing?
From Nancy in reply to post #310 on top of each other.

The first rule following any announcement is to reflect immediately on how it will affect you.  Never mind their happiness, it is the lining of your nest that matters.  So, of course, it IS completely normal that you want to Facebook stalk friend Waity Katey. Are the royals on Twitter? of course dah-ling, @BritishMonarchy is the only manner in which one receives a suitable lunch date. Do you not receive yours this way?  I think that you’ll find the feed most agreeable, with extended links to pictures of Queeny, her meeting people (she does that a lot you know), knighting people and so on and so forth. Watch out for Phillip! He IS a hoot!

Back to Kate stalking introduction, do not worry that you’re getting a bit obsessed, you’re only doing what the Daily Rags are telling you to do. And if you have not prepared the bunting yet, then you’ll never be on time for April 29th (Dear diary…) When you’re searching for Katey on Facebook (she IS there I can assure you, but it will take more than a little poke for me to reveal my sources) put all your effort into spotting who is in the background and not searching for the obvious. Do not start by typing in Kate Middleton. Rather look for Mrs William, Princess Kate and pages sponsored by Hello! Oh, hello! Do not make desperate attempts to Friend Request, simply make little, sensible and courteous introductions (get your butler to send to her butler a Friend Request).  Then before you know it you’ll be standing shoulder to shoulder with Ma’am as Phillip goes in for extra fruit cake and Hello! asks from which part of the extended family you belong.  Do not say Fergie.

Will I be going? I don’t think so. Am I friends with Kate? Not really. I could have had a Friend Request, but I choose to ignore it in favour of some real friends who know how to make a decent omelet and are concerned about the real state of affairs rather than what costume to wear to the next ‘fancy dress’ soiree.  Whatever this wedding holds, outside of the royal circles it shall be exceptionally dull – try to block it out now.  It’ll be as forgettable as all those other royal ho-hars with no sense of occasion, pleasure, anticipation or sense of real British pride from the masses. Sort of a wedding narcotize. If you can’t be enthusiastic about the your real friends, then why on earth should Kate accept your Friend Request? And if she does, take care, as one foot out of place and there’s shadowy figures waiting in the darkness to unfriend and delete your Facebook account.

One Response to “#914 Crown on Facebook”

  1. Pace blu says:

    AWFUL! After years of trying and careful planning I have had a baby girl. By naming her Nigella, I had hoped that our new baby would not be faced with any social stigma and perhaps be blessed with a decent cleavage in due course. I was distressed, however, to find that my husband in a moment of Facebook drunkardness had set up a Profile Page under ‘Nigel’. Relatives now think that Nigella has had a sex change and that I am (already) and irresponsibe parent. Should I delete Nigel/la’s page – she already has over 300 friends – or perhaps have her birth certificate changed in the hope of a new naming trend?

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