Proper Facebook Etiquette

#923 Addicted, no. Cheating, read on…

Friday 28th January, 2011

Dear Mariann,

What is it that women want to hear? I’ve tried talking to my girlfriend but to no avail. She spends all her time on Facebook. Is she addicted?

Thanks from BenHowe via two tweets. Tweet-tow-woo.

Addicted, no. Cheating, yes.

Can your girlfriend tell the difference between you talking and Facebook ‘conversations’? If you she can’t then, yes, what she has can be labeled as ‘an addiction’ or ‘addictive cheating’. Perhaps you’re saying the wrong kind of things.  Women have selective hearing. They tend to filter out the mundane, angry and down right boring.  When you look at your girlfriend you’re just seeing the wrapping. But she wants to be appreciated for whats inside.  So, when you say ‘Let’s go down to the pub love’; she hears, ‘blah, blah, blah, ‘love‘ (*raises head for vague acknowledgment*) ‘pub‘ (oh, dawning realisation that this will not be an evening of romance).

On Facebook, here’s her chance to do it for herself. No, not that. I mean to take the opportunity to reflect on the lives of her own and post pretty pictures of herself in her underwear.  I suspect that she’s got swept away with some nice overseas found-on-Facebook gent, which is why she’s not bothering to give you the time of day. Fickle you see. Fonder of her latest poke than the man she sleeps next to at night.

How to really assess if you have an issue? Do you here the type, type, type of fingers onto the keyboard late into the night?  That is conclusive proof that she’s bringing Facebook into your bed.

I suggest that you instigate a new rule; the bedroom door represents the point of departure for any Facebook activity.  Then the less time that she is online, the better natured and more impassioned your relationship. I had a friend (yes really a FRIEND) who tried this same approach. Slowly Facebook began to fade into the background and began to be viewed as passive people, doing passive things.  On the flip side, his relationship became soulful, overdressed and quickly undressed and matched with some real flowers. Facebook provides an anthology of parables, the illumination of eternal relationship truths and, if you leave it out of the bedroom, the swift revival of poking at night.

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