Proper Facebook Etiquette

#933 single cream

Sunday 6th March, 2011

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From a Mr Matthews via email

Dear Mariann,

Pictures have appeared on Facebook of a good friend of mine covered in whipping cream. This wasn’t too surprising as it was at the tail-end of a lads holiday. But this isn’t the first time, and despite his protestations to the contrary I’m wondering whether he isn’t doing it just for attention. Just as you mentioned a couple of posts ago. Is there a better way to secure the attentions of others rather than covering one-self in dairy products?

From a Mr Matthews via email.

In my experience the use of cream in any shape or form other than as an accompaniment to Afternoon Tea is but a waste.  Facebook is not an extended filling-in for a 9 and a 1/2 weeks inspired moment. And the vague ‘outline’ of a, quotes ‘lads holiday’, raises the faint whiff of suspicion; is this really what carries on when lads get together and take flight? Part of me is left thinking who brings the whipping cream along in the first place? Or does it ‘just appear’ out of no-where and at precisely the same time as suitable recording equipment? How organised.

This would suggest that yes, this is all on your friends part for the sake of gaining attention.Besides using whipping cream in such a manner presents a very false economy; the sales and the support for wibbly wobbly old ladies tea will deteriorate, and your friend cannot possibly keep up with all the demands that would be made no him to secure other dairy related items. It starts with cream, moves through cheeses and ends with…

…likely lactose intolerance.

The idea that modern life has got so fleeting that attentions can only be secured via the novel use of supermarket purchases worries me. Especially, when in the same week Facebook Anxiety has been recognised as a ‘real’ social disorder. Well my reader’s already had knowledge of such ‘professional medicalisation’ long ago, thank you Mr Murdoch/The Sunday Times.

I can’t recall even the most rambunctious gals holiday culminating in the same such attention seeking behaviour. Then again there was more laughter and friendly back-biting about various bikini styles, so perhaps fashion is the new food.

I suppose that my etiquette prescription is influenced by your friends accompanying poise, pose(s) and purposefulness. Where these images posted publicly on Facebook? If so, you have to really question for what purpose/s *shudder*.

Also – and not to appear too aesthetic, but these things matter – what, err, shape/s does your friend present: Is he slack jawed and round-bellied in a hairy-biker-arsed kind of way? Or is he all porn/o ‘hero’; hairless and slightly too orange? Both present particular tasteless ‘issues’, and both should be removed immediately. Unless he is either a hairy biker, or a porn star, then both might be acceptable as a true reflection of character and possible ‘clever’ marketing on his part for new clientele. Again *shudder*.

Yes, you know I can imagine how such pictures do gain attention. I would, however, recommend that it be advisable that said friend goes beyond the dairy aisle for inspiration and rather than spraying the navel in whipped cream, does some navel gazing about what such images might ‘tell’ about him. Friends might smile in amusement, but they are laughing at, not with you.

Get your friends clothes back on and avoid dairy in the suitcase from now on. There are laws you know about the transportation of food related goods. And don’t even get me started on sausages.

One Response to “#933 single cream”

  1. kinky ken says:

    Chocolate source….a whole range of food art for FB

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