Proper Facebook Etiquette

#949 standards are slipping

Saturday 9th April, 2011

Dear Mariann,
My husband and I want to know if we should stop one’s son for posting pictures of himself tagged with ‘right royal hunk’. His brother is getting married to soon and we don’t want the new relatives to think he is at their level – some of them have jobs because they say they need money (you know that card thing one’s assistant carries for one). I know standards are slipping but we want keep a distance from the masses and we have had issues with one’s offspring getting involved with unsuitable women – but one would not like to go there.
From Madge in reply to post #347 it is Mother’s day.

Standards are indeed slipping. What a filthy bad habit! I right royally think not! Fraternising with those who HAVE to have a job?! Your son needs immediately taking in hand, next thing you know he’ll also be marrying one of Them.

Never has there been a more sickening display of pleb arrogance than those who get above one’s station. You know the type, they own only five houses and have no helicopter.

Honestly. It’s enough to order one’s physician in to make one’s stomach-churn.

Such tag-travagance as displayed by your Other Son should be put in its place immediately. This can be done by an easy-to-do additional display to the Tower of London. If he doesn’t de-tag, invite the undesirables around for dinner (you can get your man to do this for you), then whilst tucking into the caviar and pigs head on a board, pretend royal etiquette dictates being chained to the table. Then there they can stay to be chortled over amid the Beefeater’s, odd bit of tower and some of that jewelry. Oh, and you can charge through the nose for it all of course. No-one will notice such additions en-situ amongst all that other royal dross.

One thing’s for certain, if left alone, things will continue to escalate. You c/should proclaim a royal Facebook statute: ‘No-one can friend the family unless they too have a crown on their head!’ You can rest easy then. Although the whole of Essex will likely throw their right royal tat into the ring to counter that their hair extensions and fascinators represent piles of unimaginable riches and thus make them worthy of a Friend Request.

If I recall my fairy tales right, a playful contest is the most appropriate way to win your Other Son’s hand. Just get him married off quickly! All you require is an old dragon at the door of some castle/s or other – oh, you’ve already got these. Next you invite round an assortment of Princesses  – before they turn into leathery royal-class crones – to win His heart. The advantage to this is that it will distract Son from Facebook long enough for you to get in there to delete his account.

For the final consultation all you need to know is the background of the Princesses who stand before you. The best thing for this is to check out their Profile Page. On a social network site. Like Facebook.

There you go then; Facebook is the root of it – Son should be encouraged to use it even more, if only to escape the old dragon and find his Princess.

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