Proper Facebook Etiquette

#1955 Everday breakup

Wednesday 20th April, 2011

Dear Mariann,
Mariann, things came to an end in my last relationship. He has since seen fit to post all about our end of days all over Facebook, but wait it doesn’t stop there, there’s news all over the web! What do I do?

From Man O Man in reply to post #354 Nosy old bag. And this post is dedicated to a particularly fine fellow. Who deserves better.

Don’t do anything. This is a very thinly veiled attempt to woo you back. A cry to the moon for attention if you will. If he discovers that you are responding to his postings, then he is likely to find your behaviour highly suggestive of ‘getting back together’. And if he hasn’t GPRS’d you already via a chip and some digitally tagged live updates, then you have only this to come. And how would that chip be applied I wonder?… Don’t stand up!

In the words of my father – who is not only ‘older’, but does also hold some wisdom to his years – ‘never go back‘. Equally never turn your back to an ex, you never know what they are up to!

There has been an end of days already. One never does sequels in relationships. Wes Anderson take note: Scream4. No.

I had a similar ‘issue’ a number of years ago, BF (before Facebook). This time Mr Perfect, turned into a infantile yob hell bent on poking is nose into everything I was doing and then hollering choice words of an obscene disposition to friends, family, neighbours, the cat.  Today, all incoming would have been instantly ‘blocked’. Back then, after a particularly vocal evening under my window he got the bucket of cat piss over his head treatment. I suppose the Facebook equivalent would be an unfriend. Only this doesn’t leave the aromatic satisfaction of watching them scarper away and get trapped in the holly bush.

I’d keep a record of his digital fumblings. Then six months from now, once he’s moved on and sensible a gentle jolt of reality of what a git he was should earn you a proper apology. Cat piss over the head is a last resort.

One Response to “#1955 Everday breakup”

  1. bunny says:

    happy easter!

Leave a Reply

*