Proper Facebook Etiquette

#2010 Facebook ID. It’s an ID card stupid

Sunday 16th October, 2011

Dear Mariann,
Facebook have filed for a trademark patent for Facebook Business Cards and a non-magnetically encoded ID Cards. What’s this?
From The Future of Facebook like 50-days in the future (and maybe TechCrunch)

Oh, so you’re surprised by this are you? More fool you. Here’s my conundrum; it is YOU who signed up to Facebook; you give away lots of personal information without any alarm or cause for concern; you send late night drunkard messages; you tag a series of images… Basically over the course of days, weeks, months – years – you give away all your stuff to Facebook for free.

Facebook starts making money. LOTs of money (or so they have us believe, but they can’t be entirely without $s given Zuckerberg’s latest endevours).

Then they (Facebook) seek to ‘re-compose’ the information that you have given them and there’s a ruffling of Privacy concerns and ID card trepidation. But, with Facebook ID a ‘real’ priority what are our other options?

The Stupidity Card, ID passport, driving license and card-to-party all in one. An intelligence card will be available some time after 2211 when Facebook’s made the populace so stupid that we forget how to identify individuals who can converse in ‘real’ life. Only the stupidity card will entitle you to a free poke. It’s also a permanent ‘be my friend’ request. Don’t scratch away the shiny embossed line on the back, otherwise there’s no other way to see how your hair looks.

The Needy Tag, Similar to electronic tags worn by felons. This fetching ankle bracelet will be endorsed by Lindsey Lohan and will contain a record of every Friend Request that has been sent, accepted and denied. For some repeat offenders a spray of mace will emit every time someone friends then immediately unfriends to have gained access to a Profile Page.

Poke License, we are already familiar with TV liscenes, from January 2012 everyone will be required to carry a license for poking at all times. This includes the addition of basic genetic and biometric information to ensure that poking only happens between two consenting individuals. And certainly not exes when an electric shock capability will prevent any misfire of a Poke.

The NewsFeedCard, NewsFeed ID only to be used for devoted and proper-interesting Facebook members, thus preventing so-called stupid or dull updates. In keeping with rulings by the Facebook Exective, services will not be denied to those without the NewsFeedCard, but you will need to prove you are worthy and buy me a cocktail.

The Like card, for when you Like.

7 Responses to “#2010 Facebook ID. It’s an ID card stupid”

  1. Old Foxty says:

    I have unfiended Adam Werritty but he keeps poking me and hanging about like an old damp fur coat. How do I get hime to shove off?

  2. Foxy (old) says:

    I have unfiended Adam Werritty but he keeps poking me and hanging about like an old damp fur coat. How do I get hime to shove off?

  3. Mikie says:

    Is Foucault fun?

  4. Frankie "The Cock" Cocozza says:

    My GF has gone faux-lesbianism and keeps posting lesbian stuff about boobs, crap leggings or whatever. How do I stop her?

  5. Anonymous says:

    Hows comes I sang on X factor and lost all me friends – except for Dreary Borednow

  6. Arrrra says:

    Awight babe?
    I have a question is it reem to friend all me babes or do I has diff IDs for the diff babes? I don’t wanr en to be well jel if have a chat in the naaaloooor– whats u thoughts babe?

  7. Fresher says:

    My new Uni friends have a compo to see who can put up the most drunken pics. I’m worried that a tutor or someone might see me in one. I don’t think I can make their pics private so anyone can look. Should I stop worrying?

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