Proper Facebook Etiquette

#2017 cheap booze and low expectations

Thursday 15th December, 2011

Dear Mariann,

Help – my ex has just friended my manager and I’m worried that he will see all the photos the ex has tagged with me at Yates’s party – and such like. How do I stop this?
From Help ex! in reply to post #1016 could the DEMAND passwords as well?

Welcome to the Christmas seasonality of ‘risky’ social activity.

I’m keen to know what you were doing in Yates to be able to ‘enjoy’ the anxiety of possibly emerging photos ‘and such like’. 

Yates for those of you who do not know is where there is a blend of cheap booze and low expectations. This is the perfect for any office night out. The first thing I noticed on my night out was how toned and worked out everyone was, all the men expensively dressed in Prada and this seasons Dolce & Gabbana. Not in Jean Republic’s last years denim wet- look trousers and pleather jacket (well it is cold out), or revealing of vast quantities of flesh and tattoos, but attired in the real stuff, freshly groomed and fragrant. And if you turn an ear there are the most gentile and intellectual conversations taking place. There is never the shouting of yobbish things, falling into the gutter, asking for a Jagerbomb, or wanting for leery geezers in here. The women in particular have spectacular and very tasteful style choice. And the staff are so polite, quick on their feet and offer better service than the butler in Downton.  I don’t think I’ve ever been to a more pleasant, nay sophisticated, watering hole that offers such decorum and good behaviour from its clientele. So for those tagged pictures you have nothing to worry about.

As Friday 16th December is The night for most office dos (and don’ts) we should also leave room for the improbable situation that perhaps things can go astray in places like Yates. I for one cannot think why…

There are several actions to take:

  1. Unfriend immediately your manager. This sends out the signal that you are ‘professional’ and also safeguards against any review or promotional activity being posted to your Wall. This shall also give you the upper hand where they thought that you were ‘friends’, but now you hold the power and you are not. Paranoia should also arouse suspicion and cause them to try to refriend you, which is when you hit them with the Limited Profile option that forbids any tagging of photos without your permission and even if you do allow these once you’ve re-jigged your Privacy Settings no-one can see these anyway. Except perhaps you and your cat.
  2. Do not unfriend the ex. You will want to continue to spy on his activity and if he has been friending your managers you will also want to have surveillance on who else is in his network and what he has been saying about you. Yes this makes you look paranoid and ‘needy’ (see point no.1), but it has the added benefit that you can remind yourself of all the things that you fancied about him in the first place and now find repulsive. Any ‘block’ on his Profile will force you into the dangerous territory of forgetting that he is a complete trog.
  3. Don’t ever go to Yates. Ever. Again.
  4. Look for a new job. I hear that Job Seekers Choose Facebook as their networking tool of choice.

Finally perhaps upgrade your expectations with regard to a nice new boyfriend. One who can take you places other than Yates. I hear Wetherspoons is lovely and Nando’s have table, chairs, cutlery and special orange sauce. Plus all the celebs go there – like Justin Trousersnake. That could be so spesh.

3 Responses to “#2017 cheap booze and low expectations”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Happy Christmas

  2. Thank you says:

    I want to wish you season’s greetings and thank you for being a role model for many of us women working in the digital industries. I sometimes feel intimidated by your success and creativity but always admire your insights. I hope one day to see you talk in real life. God bless.

  3. hipster says:

    hello M. you’ll know the answer to this – what the hell is Facebook’s life event? and do i have to delete everything from now on?…

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