Proper Facebook Etiquette

#2023 three boyfriends, one cupid stupid

Monday 13th February, 2012

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Love

Dr Hardey,

I know what this must sound like, but I swear that it is true. I have three boyfriends who are all my friends on Facebook. With some careful crafting they are kept separate as they live in different cities (I travel a lot for work) and I update my Privacy Settings regular – mostly thanks to your blog. I have received two relationship requests asking to state that I am ‘in a relationship’.   Previously I have just removed my relationship status from my page, but now boyfriends one and two are getting suspicious. In the spirit of Valentines, what do you recommend and have you ever experienced a similar round of problems?…

From Ilasia Factor via Facebook Page – much apprciated.

You are certainly enjoying experiencing the local wildlife aren’t you? There are occasions when the academic in me wants to speculate as to how many in the population view social networks as an excuse to extend not only their social circles, but their social (err) ‘circling’ – as in how many one chooses to circulate. But such Cupid perversions aside, what is the point of any update to your Relationship Status?… I am trying to recall if there was ever a time when the invitation from a potential beau was on the side of sweet, rather than the side of smug.  I can just about bring to mind those idealistic days when any offers of ‘boyfriend and girlfriend’ status were beautifully composed and passionately felt. Never were these intended to come via a quick Poke and impersonal Like on a social network site.

 

As boyfriends one and two have such unoriginal tendencies, you might consider how you could cleverly word for yourself a message that states neither have met ‘certain expectations’ and that they are yet to pass the necessary ‘dating probation’ factors to allow for any change in relationship status.  You can then build for yourself a defense for being ‘such a lousy girlfriend’, a case founded on the fact that you would rather poke gerkins in your eyes than accept any invitation to broadcast to everyone a change in status.

 

Should you want to placate boyf’s one and two, may I suggest a parcel with the correct address and hand-written envelope on. Then some other ‘favours’. That is IF you want to hang on to them. Otherwise get them used to the idea of ‘relationship rationing’.  Perhaps this is endemic of a generation that can’t keep anything to itself? Careful, as I suspect that whilst boyf number three may be remaining ‘quiet’ for now, he might come out of the woodwork with a ‘surprise’ proposal. Most likely live broadcast on YouTube and your reply streamed via Twitter with its own trending hashtag #mygirlfriendsaidYES!

 

Pre-empt boyfriend number three; send to him a self-stamped addressed envelope and promise he can have his own hashtag once he has learned to amuse your suitably in the sack. Otherwise he has to fill your envelope with all your ‘stuff’ and return to sender immediately.

 

2 Responses to “#2023 three boyfriends, one cupid stupid”

  1. Thanks for taking time to posting this, made a fine browse

  2. Dr. M. says:

    Dear Dr. Hardey – I can now sue my Facebook ‘friends’ or the companies I ‘like’ without even leaving the site. Any advice on how to do this and not get unfriended?

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