Proper Facebook Etiquette

#2032 Not yummy porn

Thursday 28th June, 2012

Sharing URL http://pfbe.net/MXzdMD

From a JJames and Admirer, Lincs.

Dear Dr H.

I heard you on the BBC this morning – you sound like warm toffee caramel dripping into hot chocolate. Friends keep recommending me to read that 50 Shades of Grey. It’s being referred to as a ‘social media phenomenon’, but that doesn’t make it good right?… Even If I have Liked it on Facebook.

From a JJames and Admirer, Lincs.

You realise a book that is marketed as consisting of the words ‘sado’ and ‘masochistic’ is the beginning of the end; so I must pre-warn that my rebuff is an extension of these ‘bared’ breviaries.

[JJ, thank you for the compliment, it’s absolutely dah-ling of you and I am delighted that I conjure up such sweet sentiment. I’m quite partial to honey myself, being dripped slowly over warm toas – that’s my kind of porn.]

And so to 50 shades of dull grey.  That you are ‘worried’ is because you are making the classic mistake of being caught up in the hype.   JJ up to now I admire your ability to have avoided this, the worst offence against literature, of our times. I am sorry that you have been troubled, no invaded, by the heavy marketing of such dross. Do not be fooled, friends may be ‘talking’ about it, but only as part of the hype. I feel that I must pre-warn your predilections to want to read this, if only to alleviate your disappointment. Then my hope is renewed that you will find something decent to read. Perhaps Jilly Cooper can provide some ‘erotic’ whim. Just with the correct spelling, grammar and some decent sentence structure – as in there appear to be something worth reading here.

One of the things that may perturb you is that by not reading any of ‘the trilogy of porn’ you will suffer from not being able to discuss your reaction with friends, to post witty extracts, nor to quietly chuckle with mirth.  Would  you prefer to retain intellectual and feminist integrity, or are the cries of the masses enough to persuade you to make a purchase and RandomHouse even happier?…

Final note, this is marketed as ‘yummy mummy porn’.  I would say to you as a Distinguished Daddy that you concentrate on something that doesn’t assume all women are written in as a 2-ply board who is to be firmly nailed and put up against the wall.

We are far more complex than that. Although our head can be turned with a sweet word and some honey.

One Response to “#2032 Not yummy porn”

  1. mjgw says:

    See – I’m not the only one who thinks you have an amazing voice!

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