#2035 a Lady of considerable Class
Tuesday 17th July, 2012
Dear Dr H.
On our 5th wedding anniversary, my husband left me for another woman. One month after I moved out he posted pics of his new woman. Both of our relationship statuses say we are MARRIED. I know I can change it to separated, but can you help with a status update so I can announce in a CLASSY way why we separated. I want to avoid the inevitable questions from my nosy friends….
From: Shannoon with a beautiful hand and turn of phrase.
There are some things which should be writ before one is married — things that should have been talked over before. A classy exit is one of these items of conversation and agreements. As is who gets the first status update on Facebook.
As for your own status update, perhaps you could cherry pick from the following daily snapshots:
Day one – husband left me for another woman [lets not beat around the bush here and call a spade a spade, it is his lack of classiness in this situation that needs to be addressed].
Day two – take me for a drink
Day three -studies in the appreciation of fine divorce lawyers are good
Days four, five and six – a wider selection of gentlemen should be discussed
Day seven – summer has o’erbrimmed with a new season of mellow fruitfulness and passion surpassed by none. Especially my ex-husband
With the above ‘story’ your network must know your reluctance to pass time with foolish things – these ‘things’ I include and define as your ex-husbands ventures. Really there is nothing and everything to do in terms of relationship context and updates. I know there may be little compensation in keeping your held high, but have heart to look ahead.
One pause for reflection must be that you know your ex-husbands supposed gaiety is in part a false outward facing boast – of his new life and status. Do not let this detract from what was your life together – which at one time was wholesome and good. What you want your networks to understand is the lack of his midaevil and broken code of faithfulness; one where you do not consider yourself bound to him and are moving onwards. If we can be honest I think the difficulties which arise (as you describe) may best be avoided should you or He become interested deeply (or in passing) involved with what the other is doing. And clearly you are not.
Try not to interfere with the His work or play, nor let the world see your private joys or disagreements. It is important that you keep a hold of some place where you can go and be you – this space is not Facebook.
Avoid the writing on his Wall, or taking any notice of his status updates. One way to nuke his relationship status is to delete your Facebook account. Then assign yourself an entirely new Profile (via a new email address), one that best befits your new start – firstname.lastname@example.org is free btw). Then you will receive none of his updates and he cannot be ‘married’ to someone who does not exist on Facebook anymore.
Having recently helped a friend along a similar trajectory to yours, there are some ex-husbands who are so vain and ignorant that if allowed they will persist in posting superficial, overbearing and fanatic updates/pictures etc. Do not wonder anymore and leave him as you have ‘irl’ also digitally.
With the above method, this is how you will appear as a Lady of considerable Class and he a hundred fold lower in status.Tweet