Proper Facebook Etiquette

#2038 not a real social life

Wednesday 8th August, 2012

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Dear Dr Mariann,

It’s always hard for me to believe people have the time for Facebook.  I began this evening with a glass of wine and intention of going to the gym.  After three hours had passed all I had done was Poke two exes and tagged most of my most flattering holiday snaps.  Surely this is not a real social life?…

From TedBread, endorsed by a Poke no less.


You began your evening events well Ted, sad to say that even I am unconvinced by your claim of ‘one glass of wine’ AND the intention of going to the gym.  This is hardly an imperative for health, however you did spend your time ‘wisely’ in the dissolve of social networking, so I can’t really blame you for getting caught up by the transient delights of a smooth chablis and ‘some exes’.  Really, how many exes do you possess?  And do they all require poking?…


When I have to look back over my evening activities, I have to admit that very often decisions about where my time has been spent have sprung from what my own particular nosiness brings forth.  As a ‘very busy’ person (I’m terribly important as my personal Director of Communications Amazing Annie will have you know), I feel that it is extremely useful to have, for instance, friends who are only a Poke away (I know I am so 2005, a Poke?! when was the last time you had one of those?!!!)  – likewise ‘work’ colleagues, giving easy access to specific things and stuff (you note how specific I am here).

I suspect that your latest dalliance on Facebook is to create an ordered sense of a rather limited social situation (so you don’t have to grunt and groan down the gym!).  Thus, if you want to lean into friendships, invite them around for wine too. I tend to find that mine are quote partial to this particular persuader-y technique. IF ‘exes’ are your real order of the day, perhaps invite round with your clothes off, just not at the same time.

Unless this is Your thing.

In compiling such social moments, do choose those whom you think are ‘the best’ and ‘most popular’ then you can enjoy the parade of updates that will show you in a particular favour.  It should be your hope that those who have not previously tried your company (away from the gym m’dear) will have nothing to complain about as you crack open that bottle.  Other dedicated followers will appreciate your sense of compulsive and generous nature.  And remember Facebook provides an easy access to what you might be doing, had forgotten you did (best to delete these items), and I am certain in the future will predict what you are going to do.

But not the gym.

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