Proper Facebook Etiquette

#2048 oh, you look much nicer than your Profile picture!

Saturday 20th October, 2012

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Dear Dr M.

Last autumn, I was invited to the wedding of an old friend. I had planned to book into a b&b.  In fact plans were made and debate to and fro on Facebook.  On one of these posts, a friend of the bride invited me to stay with him.  Although we had never met, he seemed the decent type, so I accepted his offer.  It was quite late when I arrived on the doorstep on this chap, who proceeded to open the door with the words, ‘oh, you look much nicer than your Profile picture’.  I was flattered (well who wouldn’t be).  I accepted his offer to go to bed (in separate rooms I hasten to add)! The following morning we attended the wedding together and had a delightful day.  After the wedding and a coy kiss on his doorstep I departed for home.  Until a week ago, that was the last moment that I had heard from him. Looking back, it is obvious that he must have been married, or involved with someone else, or… Well I’m a bit worried about what any other explanation might be. What might my reply be to this chap. He is handsome. He appears available. It could be just like Four Weddings and a Funeral could it not?

Thanks for the advice and your column. Might you also publish in the press?

From Lucy.

Lucy, one word. Player. Oh, but who cares, here is the folly of romance right on your his doorstep. If you pop round for a punnet of strawberries and some wine, we might deliberate at length precisely what was going on last Autumn.  But let us make haste to this Autumn; the good news is this chap seems positively oozing with charm that is fired in your direction. The bad, well you only have one night in his home and some digging via his Profile to go on. Still he does seem rather charming doesn’t he.  Perhaps I should add some caution here, how ‘known’ is he to your mutual friend. And has her marriage sustained the first year after the HoneyMoon?… If so, perhaps yours will be the second wedding, and not the funeral part of your Four Weddings narrative.

Either you dress yourself up and get on over there, or continue to a stomach-churning obsessive compulsive extraction of his intentions and more.  I do not recommend part two of this behaviour. In fact, I’ve just this moment returned from a conference where Disconnection and private safe-guarding of information was paramount to our discussions. If not a little 2008.  Perhaps you a little too desperate for this relationship (marriage, already?!), so avoid seeming cloying, or clingy. And do not update your Relationship Status just yet. Find out his back story, get a little self-respect and relax.

And ensure when there is the next wedding, that the b&b has vacancies.  Then you can be romanced properly.

Oh, and don’t propose until you’ve seen him in his pants. At least once.

Just sayin’.

One Response to “#2048 oh, you look much nicer than your Profile picture!”

  1. Doug says:

    Lucy! Marry me!

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