Proper Facebook Etiquette

#2051 witty not pretty

Thursday 3rd January, 2013

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Dear Dr H.

This is f*cking awesome! After all the disingenuous ‘happy new year’ posts on my Facebook page, surely I should continue to fuel this false sense of popularity into the rest of the year?…

Dilemma received with thanks from Mister Pattinson and with his usual New Year’s Eve sentiment; as in witty, not pretty.

Awkward. I had forgotten who you were, until Facebook reliably informed me of our past association. In short, that we were ‘Friended on January 1st 2011 as you wanted to wish a ‘Happy New Year’ to friends, your friends of friends, and those other people. I was one of those ‘other people’. I remain so. So two years on what have you learned? Don’t take any non-reciprocated, no call, no response to your new year sentiment as an acceptable answer. Social media (don’t cringe) allows us to keep tabs on everyone all the time. Especially those individuals with whom we probably should not be so enchanted with.  What I’ve learned is that particularly smart and well-turned out ‘friends’ might act like they really don’t like you, but they do!  sorry, they actually do not. A friend may be there to receive your New Year missive on Facebook, but they’re not really interested in you one jot. Unless you’ve both seen one another through the bottom of a martini glass. Have you? Thought not.

Mister Pattinson you cloy for our attention fueled by a ‘false sense’ of your own popularity – and blame Facebook for this. Quite right. Across Facebook, Profile picture posers aren’t just for teenage girls. Between 2004 and 2013 there’s been a marketable shift in the level of vanity ‘online’.  In 2004 you had one small and slightly smudgy Profile picture, it wasn’t that hot; out of focus, badly pixalated, no Instagram.  But by 2013, you’d have applied one of many filters and got ready to sync with other social media. A lot. In fact over nearly a decade of Facebook (we’re one year away folk) the average user has accumulated more content than an Olympic edition box of Trivial Pursuit trivia.

So keep up your popularity. Don’t forget to have a new go at your Privacy Settings. As of 31.12.12 (12.31.12 for USA) these were updated again and it is likely that your Default is more open than Pandora’s Box. On sale day. If it were for sale.

Anyway privacy is dead. That’s so 2004. Tokenistic popularity is in. Pokes still exist (just).

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