Proper Facebook Etiquette

#2064 “struck down by insipidity and senselessness”

Wednesday 17th April, 2013

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Dear Dr M.

Over the weekend, I have mistakenly got married. Because this news will not have made it through the my Facebook NewsFeeds, am I still single?…

MK, by email

Married? I feel that some sort of acknowledgment is necessary, as ignoring it would be deemed rather impolite to your newly betrothed, but I am (almost) at a loss about what on earth to say with regard to your concern to be still single.

But, if Facebook says so, then it must be true.

Although, you might want to safeguard against something like the following – “Thank you for sharing the photographs of your wedding. You must be so proud.”

If you can accept the above, then you should also be open to other bizarre and inappropriate behaviour that will be the defining characteristic of (mistakenly) married status – my polite way of saying “struck down by insipidity and senselessness“.

There is no cure for marriage – so I am reliably informed. And Facebook might be more of the disease than the corrective elixir that you seek,  although no cure like falling off the pony, or being laughed at forgetting on the wrong one. Perhaps you should Friend Request your new partner and chase down their own Relationship Status. Word to the wise, if you’re single on Facebook, then so too are they.

In terms of Your marriage – let us call this an affect resulting the sudden transformation of a heightened expectation of nothing. So inspired by our friend Kant and his telling of cosmic experience.

Nothing is more cosmic than Facebook, man. Or marriage in this matter.

Post composed at SpringEspresso York.

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