Proper Facebook Etiquette

#2067 ‘I need a good answer’

Saturday 20th April, 2013

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Dear Dr M.

I’ve a message from an old flame. I need a good answer.

Below Parr via Twitter #pfbe.

I say, highlights of the Pew Internet Project’s research* related to social networkingm say that 67% of online adults use social networking sites.  So of course the odds are on that you’d receive such a communication. One would feel distinctly disappointed and out of place if one did not. Could this also be true of moi?

Here’s how to reduce any such sense of rapid romanticism among Facebook’s rapidly expanding group of lost and lonely hearts [well if you read the Daily Mail’s  notes on ‘social graph’ search for singles, [ready to mingle *wink*] this would certainly be the case. Steps include regular parties, featuring car keys and a bowl, or frilly pants and a choice of flourless chocolate cake (gluten free mind) and prosecco.

Any single people who continue to feel a loss of social capital are encouraged to enjoy an extended visit to the range of pubs at the end of their road.

Friends in your network should also be harassed officially alerted (via a Wall Post preferably) to your single status sensitivities.  However, I would refuse to comment on any rumour of a change in your relationship status as this may cramp your style and you’re likely to be “struck down by insipidity and senselessness”.

Zuckerberg might deny his relationship match-making powers, but know this Facebook, some of those ‘friends’ suggestions aren’t half good-lookin’ and provide a rather convenient random sample to the dating pool. The social scientist in me would set a series of production targets, and be allowed to roam freely amongst such participants.

In answer to your statement, ‘I need a good answer’, try this; Hello. I’ve used your communication to check out your Profile Page, as a result I will / will not [delete as applicable] be in the Kings Arms wanting a G&T at 20.00pm.

Any other form of to-ing and fro-ing just makes your position look even more precarious [read desperate].

(*Note: updated whenever new data is available.)

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