Proper Facebook Etiquette

#2081 farewell postal

Saturday 24th August, 2013

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Dear Mariann,

As you can see from the Facebook picture I’ve tagged of you, I’ve been enjoying a vacation on the beach that involves the copy and pasting of pictures of you past. Would you mind uploading more images of yourself, as I am running out of new material and it is such a faff having to super-impose you into new snapshots.

Thanks from Gawping.

Gawping, I woudn’t mind your super-imposing activities, if yours was the kind of body that would compliment the square angles of my head. Sadly where I am ‘cubic’, you appear more rotund. Even my basic mathematics GCSE grade B tells me that such lines are not complimentary, not are they a decent formula.

There is nothing too wrong in your actions (my images are ‘out there aftter-all), but I also wouldn’t be seen dead in that flimsy loin cloth you call a ‘Ri Ri inspired’ bikini.

Am I flattered? Ah, no.

What you have also failed to syndicate (and shame on you for not reading my Instagram feed well enough), is that this year I am holed out somewhere quite tropical at the Ouse Lido, Yorkshire – so you need not bother with your cutting and pasting of my image, as I am somewhere quite exciting enough.

On overcast bank holidays, it is considerably easier to be on ‘vacate’ here than mix with the likes of your lot bound for deck chairs and quite futile (in my mind at least) nightly pillaging of the liver in a display of ‘yoff’ and disruption.

Next time you want to super-impose my head, please choose to shave your legs.

Yours in all and all that


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