Proper Facebook Etiquette

#2082 to boldly marry

Monday 9th September, 2013

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Dear Mariann,

A close friend of mine has announced his marriage via social media. I always had a bit of a thang for him and have harboured passionate feelings since he boldly came into my life.  Would it be crass of me to crash his post-wedding updates with a proposal of my own?…

Thanks, alwaysthebridesmaidneverthebride via Comments Page.

I find that any public declarations of love via that social medium can often be hazardous to ones health, but after five glasses of pinot griglio are also extremely satisfying and gratifying if they have been well and sweetly executed.

When sinking one’s fingers deep into keyboards of delight, do remember that updates sometimes escape without warning and run down NewsFeeds, spreading like sticky jam over the entire interweb. What is the correct etiquette in these circumstances:  Randomly Googling and stalking your beloved is allowed; licking and slurping at their visage is not, but remember to dab your droll delicately away with a clean tissue.

If it is a marriage proposal you are after, I recommend that your methods of intent are conducted out of sight, and not in public spaces like those independent coffee shops (it looks so undignified to have droll running down your chin here, and no-one likes a wifi hogger). After posting to your intended’s Wall your wanton desire, at home you’ll be able to use any absorbent item to wipe off the dribble; say your sleeve, that final piece of kitchen towel, or new pup as the mood takes you.

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