Proper Facebook Etiquette

#2096 Adult friendship

Sunday 8th December, 2013

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Dear Mariann,

I’d like to rope in some more friends. I am a thirty-something male. I do not have any bad habits that would curtail my chances of companionship. What do you suggest I do?

Mister Camus

There might be an open friendship here: One that folds up the moment it occurs and the the other sort that goes around and around in circles of diminishing niceness. Both are vague and iffy and can be easily found on any social network. From the tone of your much longer dilemma you seem to want a life-long, ‘life-changing’ friendship.


Asking strangers to immediately take on the role of something more than an acquaintance is like asking a city type to blow up their Crackberry; a weight-watcher to decline their next mince-pie; a politician to give up their second home; a student to blow up a distillery…


As a thirty-something man you are allowed to panic about your current state of friendships. This is your substitute for panic for those other areas of your life: Work/love/family/other things…
The proposal that you must have more than average friendships – especially when numbers are so visible on SNSs – does not stand up to close inspection.  Friends are chosen by ‘the user’ – BUT they become friends because you are randomly thrown together: females in their silly shoes or males with their dancing penguins.


The further ‘selection’ process is equally a nonsense: there are only an average of 300 friends per user on Facebook and of these 300, 100 are fake celebrity accounts and too silly to be real friends, and 100 too callow. Thus, we have about 100 other users to fill 100 real friend places. Effectively more than enough for anyone.
You might follow this articles advice; get a puppy; use Groupon; and dont forget to say ‘hi’! to people. OR you might come up with something entirely original, such as valuing the friends you already have in your life.

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