Proper Facebook Etiquette

#2101 I could have withered Xmas

Thursday 19th December, 2013

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Dear Mariann,

Perhaps I am partial to a place where the over-arching tone is to have excellent customs and courteous manner. Under the weight of Facebook I find myself fed up and a little disagreeable with friends who fight publicly, show their weakness and then insist on a present. How must I endure this?!!!

Adieu, from Humbug.

This won’t do at all. I say, Sir! you appear like Old Marley, as dead as a doornail.

Mind! For now I must watch my manner, to say instead that you throw any festive spirit and high jinx into a particularly dull or dead doornail. I might have been inclined (once) to have agreed with your most irritable tone. Instead, let us turn to the wisdom of those who have gone before us; you will (must) permit me to repeat, emphatically, that there is such a thing as good in cheer and seasonal affirmation. I say this confidently Sir after five choral services at York Minster in less than two weeks. My Away in a Manger is almost tolerable. Almost.

HOWEVER(!) you also state that there is a violent spate of friends insisting on a present. How bl**dy obnoxious. I rather chofe (on your behalf) to have endure all the moft of the affects of this request. What an imposition! If you detest on providing smiles through shiny things; may I suggest that you do as my friends have done and turn instead to £1 land. It doesn’t get better than a 1-Direction key ring replete with 1-Direction ‘points’ and a website url to unlock. And all in the satisfactory exchange of your giving to another. Imagine the smiles. Imagine the confusion. Imagine the mischief. And (lo), hark! you are only £1 down.

See giving is fun.
So is Charles Dickens.

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