Proper Facebook Etiquette

#2110 t*ts that are perky

Sunday 29th December, 2013

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Dear Mariann,

I am desiring marriage with my very fanciable girlfriend, who I love like mad. Currently she has a great figure, super, legs, an amazing smile and t*ts that are perky. I like to see as much of her as possible, but want to keep this all to myself (it’s a non-Facebook thing).  My motto is “the girl is mine”, but my girlfriend says “shut up, and let me flirt online.” 

I’m torn between being kept on my toes – which I like – and wanting to have what is my own…

From Tentacles, by email

The essence of any beautiful, confident and sexy woman should be enough without further ‘advertising’ and parading around on Facebook.

The way you describe your girlfriend, she sounds like a show-n-tell trinket. If you want to keep her on such a short leash, buy her something shiny to distract her with, then her ‘online’ will be spent preoccupied something fine and fabulous that no-one else can provide (unless she pays close attention to Amazon Deals and eBay.

You do know that women and men’s equality supposedly came about a while ago… Surely having a wonderful woman in your life is enough?  what do you want your girlfriend to do, constantly amuse you in a bustier and with a whip? Could it be that you’re just a bit jealous or insecure by her online profile?

Maybe you could propose via Facebook. How naff. How fitting.

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