Proper Facebook Etiquette

#2112 Did I mention that I work in PR?…

Thursday 9th January, 2014

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Dear Mariann,

I have seen you in public, in the press, on Bloomberg news and also follow you religiously on every social media platforms. I’ve started to notice that some of your other Follower’s characterise their response to you either simply as a copy of your original content, or feign this off as their own voice.  I can only speak for myself, but I can say that as your devoted Follower that I respect your originality and want to find every possible way that I can to promote your work.  If I did not already have a proper job (in PR), I would consider working as your PA, something that I would love to do, not that this would involve the best of my skills, but it would provide me with the opportunity to spend time in your company and take moments to promote this to others. Did I mention that I work in PR?… Perhaps you need a publicist. A Fan like myself is doubtless the reason that you continue to publish properfacebooketiquette.

From a very sincere Mister Ham-ish.

My dear Mister Ham-ish, how lucky I am that you are a Fan.  Judging by your responses of you’re like none of my other reader’s.

For the new year, I’ve been trying to stand back and work out precisely what I can do next to entertain most. I think it boils down to three points:

The first, as you mentioned is Twitter – I’m @thatdrmaz if you care to tip your hat in my direction.  I am never too busy for a bit of  bombardment. You might get my attention by parroting a line or two – or even my exact words – those also formulated by someone else will do to get my attention.

As any (I’m trying to avoid the word ‘good’ here), ardent composer of digital prose, I think that one should read and reply to all her messages even those not stuffed with fascinating and important information.  You never know where your next low brow idea might be buried. As my students know, bombarding me with the same thing, over and over again is such an effective formula for getting my attention. I can be at my most entertaining replying to these original requests…

My second point is to do with the way that it is (too) easy to ascribe to people the best possible of motives. For example, let us look at yours; on the surface you are offering free PR and to be my lackey.  But this is could be an unfair characterisation of your real motives. Really you might be thinking “here’s a chance make new alliances and do something original and dandy.” And I would be completely exploiting and underestimating you.

What you should try and do is to make your case to participate in my murky world of social media as persuasively as possible. To do that you have to understand that I drink only seven times filtered water, sleep in a freezer that stimulates precisely the lighting and aroma of Tiffany’s New York, and I only eat food beginning with ‘c’ – this covers the main food groups like chocolate, cake and cool stuff.

My third and final point is what I perceive as commitment proclivity (you have an alternative/hidden motive):  You appear to have begun with the presumption that heavy PR conforms to the most model of proper propaganda for properfacebooketiquette – without providing any evidence to support your (very kind) offer.

Would you mind, please do, put together a comprehensive review (with pretty pictures please) of your PR successes over the past few years, rather than prostituting yourself  as passionately as possible, whether or not it compliments any promotional model (see above for how to be really obnoxious).

My happy banter with you Sir and our engagement of prose is the same as anyone who’s broadly on the same side (we both like the content here), but we also hold very different focus , nor do we share the same stalker tendencies.

I look forward to our future communication, twitter bombardment and the misattribution of your manners and indeed propoganda on my behalf.


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