Proper Facebook Etiquette

#2117 via WhatsApp and OtherApps

Saturday 22nd February, 2014

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Dear Mariann,

WhatsApp?!!!!  I’ve fallen in love with myself on Facebook. Inside my social network I am not alone. I get to show how handsome a guy I am (and frankly I am), strong arms, square waist, defined features. Nice very nice say the comments in my Instagram. A guy that any girls would like to lock on to.  Once. Maybe even thrice. The kind of guy you’d say ‘hi’ to on WhatsApp, but then I would never make this a regular thing. I’m untouchable right? A man machine made better by his Facebook Profile. How can I improve on perfection?

Thanks R.Sheckley via WhatsApp and OtherApps

You can’t see my expression but it holds a gaze not piqued in curiosity, but rather the measure of how tedious a twit you truly are.

Here are my instructions for you Man Machine:

At first glance you appear as perfect as a cylinder of metal. But you have blocked your own vents and destroyed your motor. I recommend a new base for your motor, various attachments – longitudinal extensions prehensile extractors, all those sorts of things to give you some decent rhythm. Your connecting points – Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp… allow a variety of mixed function operations.   But you’re nothing fun or interesting.

Arrogant and a bit annoying.

Suggest you spend the day Liking yourself on Facebook; hearty+ on Instagram; and stalking your own ‘last seen’ movements on WhatsApp.  This will have the affect of making you ‘feel good’, very good. And the other outcome of much tedious tension bought about by  your efforts to fade below the intermittent spasm level.

SNSs should ban users like you. But then what would Kim and Kayne do?…

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